Question: Modern psychology assures that the phrase “Don’t cry, my child, here is a candy for you” is a terrible mistake parents make. Psychologists say that you need to help your child get through the sadness.
What do you think about that?
Answer: First, I believe that parents should not answer their child: “Get over it and get used to it.” This is not a parenting approach—on one hand. On the other hand, since it is necessary to explain why someone is in such a state, even a child, it is necessary to teach parents how to answer correctly.
Question: So you don’t support giving candy?
Answer: No. It is not good to avoid and remove yourself from the need to go through these states with the child. While he is still a child, it is necessary to teach him how to get over it correctly. Together with the parents. And then he will be able to do it himself.
Question: That is, the child got hit, he is crying, you should not buy him a candy so that he stops crying. We need a conversation with him. What can you say to a child who got hit?
Answer: Explain to the child that he needs to be more careful, why he was hit, what happened.
Question: So you seem to be talking to him like equals?
Answer: No, he should feel that an adult is talking to him. And yet, he should feel that he is being educated. A child should understand that the adult wants to explain to him how to treat any, especially unpleasant circumstances in his life correctly. Even animals teach their offspring: they help, explain, and play with them.
Question: And if a child is assembling a kit and he fails, a parent comes, does he have to assemble the kit for him?
Answer: You have to be a teacher. The teacher is the one who hints at the correct options, explains the wrong ones, mistakes, and so on. That is, it is “debriefing.”
Comment: Psychologists say that if a child is sad, there is no need to rush and get him out of this by any means. It is necessary for him to feel what sadness is.
My Response: Not sadness for the sake of sadness, but for him to just know how to get out of it, and that these states have the right to be with us just like fun and joy.
Question: What should the correct attitude of a parent toward a child who is growing up be?
Answer: To become his friend and to do things with him.
Comment: Is it possible to become a child’s friend at any age? Can I be a friend to my three-year-old son?
My Response: It is already too late with a three-year-old one. Starting at about one year of age, a child already understands that you are playing with him and how you are playing, as equals or not.
Question: That is, you need to become a child’s friend?
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 3/15/21