Question: Why is it that the more I study and the more I am in the group, the further away I feel from the goal?

Answer: This period is called the recognition of evil because a person discovers his real state, his nature.

If he thought that by coming to the group he would study and accumulate some knowledge, now he begins to feel what a big egoist he is and that he needs to do something about it, that he has to correct himself. Before he did not even think about it, but now he sees how weak he is, that he cannot manage and control himself to such an extent that his thoughts and his desires overcome him, and he cannot do anything about it.

Even if he promises himself that he will be in the group all the time and that he will be in contact with it, a moment later everything disappears and he finds himself under the control of his egoism, which he did not feel before.

This is the reason for the expression, “he who is greater than his friend, his desire is even greater,” but this is actually how we advance.

So, if you feel that you have become worse than before, it actually means that you have become better, which means, closer to the goal, but still, unless you mortify your egoism, unless you ascend above it, you will not begin to control it by receiving the force against the ego from the Creator. So unless you do that, you do not exist, and the ego, the force of the Creator, manages you and does whatever it wants with you. We need to put an end to this.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 4/9/19

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