Rosh HaShanah is the time to ask the Creator for forgiveness for one’s crimes. That is, I feel that I do not sense the importance and the greatness of the Creator, and for this I apologize. After all, if I felt the Creator as great and important, then, of course, I would behave differently. It turns out that I only lack the feeling of the Creator.
And therefore, I ask: “Let me feel You, and I will become different!” This is what a man should say to the Creator; this is a correct request and a correct apology. Why do I commit crimes? Because I lack the feeling of the Creator, which is called faith. There is no feeling of the Creator, there is no faith, and therefore, there is no one to stop me. I cannot act otherwise because if the Creator does not rule over me, then the evil inclination, egoism, rules.
Therefore, I ask the Creator to rule over me. This is my main request after which we come to Rosh HaShanah, we come to the king, that is, we want to put Him to reign over us.
I want to repent for all my sins, that is, to know and feel everything that interferes with my correction. I am asking the Creator to open my eyes and let me feel where the crime is and where the commandment is so that I understand where I fulfill His commandments: to bestow, to love, to unite, and where I do the opposite.
After all, now I do not feel this in every moment of my life. And if I did, I would certainly correct myself. The problem is that I do not feel the Creator, the force of bestowal, against which I could check myself. It is with this that I turn to the Creator and demand that He give me the opportunity to check myself against the force of bestowal, and then I will never commit a crime.
We do not recall the past and do not ask forgiveness for it. I must cry not about what happened but about the fact that I do not strive for correction and do not demand from the Creator to help me in this. I want to move forward and not delve in the past, shedding tears over what I did.
Did I really do something? I did nothing. The Creator did everything. And He did it on purpose so that I now know what I have to fix. I take this evil, this crime, that has just been revealed, and start to correct it. All my striving is forward, not backward. This is the difference!
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/16/20, “What Is Preparation for Selichot (Forgiveness)”