Touching The Creator For The First Time…
In our world, each of us has a very small desire for spirituality, a point in the heart. The whole heart is our egoism. Of course, we are not talking about the physiological heart-pump; we are talking about desires. And since I only have a minor desire toward the Creator, I am unable to receive more than a thin illumination from the spiritual, which fills our whole world with pleasures.
In order to become similar to the Creator, it is necessary to unite with the friend because the Creator can be felt only in the desire to bestow, i.e., between us. As I try to unite with my neighbors, I begin to understand that I am unable to desire this.
- I act for the purpose of uniting with the friends,
- I discover hatred toward the friends,
- Gradually, I acquire the importance of the goal, the quality of bestowal,
- I even acquire a need to bestow.
The Surrounding Light corrects the quality of bestowal in me.
Then what do we lack in order to unite and receive pleasure? Much like a little child cannot understand what is wanted of him when grownups demand that he behave well, we, grownups, also don’t understand that we lack some conditions and actions due to which we will understand what is being demanded from us.
Only due to this, the Creator “broke” the common soul (the common desire), separated it into an infinite number (let’s say, seven billion souls) so that we could elucidate what we lack in order to enjoy Him. Let’s suppose that He is some dish that I am unfamiliar with, which I won’t take until I wish to eat it. But what should I desire for this?
In order to arm ourselves with the right desire we have to work on unification between us. And through this work I understand what I should desire. And after we try to unite, our hatred toward the friends will be revealed. And then along with investing in others and having others invest in me, we reveal the importance of the goal.
Of course, all the while the Surrounding Light affects us. And as a consequence of its influence, I begin to acquire a need for the quality of bestowal: I wish to feel it, to acquire it! I already begin to hear that it is worth it, that it is something great, special, and elevated. I am told that with the help of the desire to bestow, I will break through into another dimension, where I will exist above all problems and above this whole world, and furthermore, I am coming to this here and now!
In addition, I don’t die; I acquire an additional quality. So, why not? And my egoistic desire consents to this: “Ok, so you’ll have a quality of bestowal too!” This is called Lo Lishma (desiring spirituality egoistically, for your own sake). In other words, it occurs gradually, naturally, because such changes are instilled in us from nature.
Thus I have the importance of the goal, and then I acquire a need for bestowal, and if I achieve the full measure of my efforts, the Surrounding Light already influences me and reveals the quality of bestowal in me for the time being, very slightly. Yet it is already enough for me to touch the Creator and feel Him.
The first contact with Him is the most important and the most difficult, but then, after this, a person no longer needs further explanations; he begins to understand on his own what is being discussed.
From a Lecture for “Kabbalah for the People” of 11/2/10
If Only I Didn’t Feel Myself…
Learning To Love Bestowal
Living In The Stream Of Endless Light
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