Question: How does the descent called the Shaar haTuma (Gates of Impurity) come to be expressed?
Answer: Everything depends upon what we think is a descent. In the beginning, at the first gate of impurity, I simply see that I have no power, I don’t want to do anything, and I have lost the taste for life.
Whereas at the 10th or 15th gate, I lose the desire to learn, to be connected with the friends, to carry out acts of bestowal, and to be involved in dissemination; I lose faith in what is written in the books of the Kabbalists. I simply want to lie down and get away from everything or get drunk and pass the time idly.
Yet together with this, I begin to understand that these are not my states; rather they come from some external source. They pass me through them intentionally so that I will consolidate my relationship to the Source, to the Creator and to what He does.
So I say to Him, “Do what you want! You can create darkness around me—even this is good! When it’s dark I don’t want anything, and this is better than chasing after pleasures. But together with this, give me the possibility of being aware of you, the one who creates this darkness for me.”
It means that the Creator makes the heart of Pharaoh heavy. Here I begin to differentiate between my desire, the condition that is felt with it, and the Creator who arranges all this for me. This is already an internal separation, a crossroad.
That is how we continue to work and the darkness doesn’t dissipate. On the contrary, we pass through the 49 gates of impurity and arrive in the darkness of Egypt. Yet thanks to the exodus from Egypt, the darkness stops being darkness. We change our relationship to darkness.
Indeed, we are found in the same condition all the time, changes only our perception of it. It’s as if I put on other glasses and see the state differently, advancing further, whereas the state itself hasn’t changed. We are immersed in the Light of Infinity.
However, one starting point is given to us in order to feel the world that we see now within the Light of Infinity. And the changes depend upon what I think is good and bad. Indeed our substance is the desire to receive and it’s up to us to decide what is good or bad in relation to it.
If we change the perception of reality, our relationship to it, then the whole world is different. What was hated becomes loved. Imagine that a big man clothed in a white robe approaches a little child, takes out a menacing syringe, and gives him a painful injection. How must the child relate to his actions?
But when we grow up, we understand that the monster in white is not a cruel demon, but a doctor who must give me an injection and it’s for my own good. This is unpleasant, but must be tolerated.
Reality is unchanged, it is complete; we must change. In our day this is what the world has to understand. The changes that result from the inner development of the ego are over. We have developed our ego to the end. It has reached its maximum point and doesn’t have anywhere else to develop in the physical world.
We have reached the limit beyond which we have to begin to change our relationship. So we are found at a very unique point: The ego has nowhere to develop, on the opposite, it begins to deteriorate and bring us down. Indeed, it wants nothing more from life. So if we want to advance, this is possible only with the desire to bestow.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/09/14, Shamati #54