Are We Suitable For One Another?

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: How can I be sure that a certain woman is right for me?

Answer: I look at her and see two different people in her who behave in two different ways. Besides, I know myself and the way I behave. It is as if I exit myself and study myself as a psychologist. Then as a third independent spectator, I can see to what extent we two, she and I fit together.

We are suitable for one another only to the extent that we are ready to make mutual concessions. On the whole, any two systems can connect by making concessions.

But it is very hard work and we should look for a matching partner: the character should be the same, which means that both should be calm or they should be burning like fire, and they should care about the same things. The more common attributes we have to begin with, the easier it will be to establish a successful connection.

First of all, we must understand one another. The mutual understanding stems from a common interest, which means as a result of mutual concessions and a similar attitude to life. This attitude is formed during wisdom of connection courses because we need to reformat ourselves.

Of course, we should have the same plans and the same view of life, because without this a family cannot exist. How do we both imagine a successful family? How can we make one another happy? Do we understand what our partner enjoys?

In other words, we have come to a mutual understanding in every respect. If I marry a woman from a totally foreign culture, who grew up at the other end of the world, we are not suitable for each other from the start. It is doubtful whether we can ever manage. We come from different cultures and our perspectives are different in every way, our goals are different, and we have a different idea of what a family is, but we have to get along because each one wants to live the life he or she is used to. So we have to make concessions and do what suits the other although we would do things differently according to our own nature, culture, and upbringing. The level of our adaptability is very important if each of us wants to understand the other.

The most prominent problem is in the kitchen because food is one of a person’s basic habits that he brings from his parents’ home. It is the same with regard to all the other values. I want my wife to value the same things that I do and that she will have the same goal in life, the same image of a successful family, the same attitude toward children, toward parents, and toward the environment.

It isn’t just an agreement between us but compatibility of our inner character with regard to every aspect in life, both giving it the same level of importance.

We don’t just talk as if we agree and have decided to get married. It has to be a deep true psychological study that we conduct in the process of many meetings. Otherwise, people get married and then it turns out that they have nothing in common.
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/9/13

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