If the lower wants to adhere to the Upper, he perceives the darkness that he sees in the Upper as perfection. Otherwise, he holds onto the Upper for his own egoistic benefit. So, he must see the opposite, that the Upper has nothing and he still desires the Upper’s form!
We are talking about the levels of bestowal that are revealed on top of our ego and that are opposite to it. Therefore, I see that the Upper is increasingly more abhorrent for my ego, but I must overcome this feeling and perceive that it is nice.
This means that I must try and see the group in the state of the end of correction, although I find flaws in it according to my flaws. However, I approach it in faith above reason and ask that all my repulsions and rejections will be turned into love and appreciation.
Faith above reason is my spiritual vessel, and there is no other vessel. I must accept this contempt,hatred, the fear that I feel toward the Upper’s form as the greatest feeling of awe since this is the way the attribute of bestowal is perceived in my feelings.
I am not aware that this is the attribute of bestowal. I feel that it is something hateful and intolerable. Then, it is time for a prayer since the only way I can adhere to AHP of the Upper is against my own will. The taste of the Upper disgusts me and I don’t want to connect and cannot since it repulses every fiber of my soul, and I feel that I would rather die than that.
However, the Upper Light enables me to perform actions that are against my will. I change by the influence of the Light, and I begin to see that the Upper is nice. It isn’t because my taste has changed, like fashion changes and what previously seemed ugly suddenly becomes fashionable and desired. It turns out that I simply change my ego.
Therefore, faith above reason is necessary here. I adhere to the Upper not because my reason has changed, and I suddenly see it as wonderful and beloved. The inner hatred I feel for it remains, and above it I feel love and appreciation now. These two opposite feelings are burning inside me.
I understand that the Upper is opposite to me and that I am far from His attributes, which repulse me. At the same time, I establish a new attitude toward Him with the help of the Light that Reforms.
Faith above reason means that I establish a new vessel in my state, adhesion with the group, in which I receive the new level. My feelings become 620 times stronger in this new vessel than in my own reason. Then, when I attain the next level with this vessel of faith, my reason suddenly grows by 620 times, too! Thus, I constantly swing from side to side more strongly each time by expanding the distance between the right and the left lines like a cone.
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/18/14, Talmud Eser Sefirot