Question: A person who is studying Kabbalah, with time begins to feel heaviness, in particular when he watches the morning lessons or reads something serious. The Creator gives us “intentional obstacles” like these, which we call disturbances. Why? What do they mean?
Answer: Apparently it’s so that life will not seem sweet like honey, even though this never really seems to be so. We say this all the time, that all of our ascents take place only above the growth of the ego. There is nothing else! You do something good, this is a sign that you can increase your ego, and so the system immediately adds this. You attract the upper Light onto yourself through your unity, through further yearning for the goal, and immediately the ego is added from the left again, and so forth.
You call the constant burdening of the ego “intentional obstacles.” And the person really feels: “What is this dirty trick?!”
I remember how I came to Rabash about this for the first time: “Look at what is happening to me! You see it’s impossible to endure this…” I worked as usual all the time, I did everything, and suddenly there was a descent for a few weeks. I really couldn’t see the light of day.
What do I want to say about this? The growth of the ego is compulsory. Imagine that you now have five grams of ego; in regard to spirituality it is not considered to exist. But in order to leave it, to hate it, to strangle it, you would need a few hundred kilograms. How can you attain such a state of hatred so you will be ready to flee from it, when “my death would be better than my life”? When you begin to feel like this, only then will you be able to carry out a transition to this phase.
This is really an internal revolution within you when you are ready to die just so you won’t remain with it: “Take everything that you gave me, I don’t need anything, just get me out of this ego!” Moreover, this is not incidental, rather it’s truly a serious decision.
How is it possible to reach this? In this way they bring you to it gradually. But you can hasten your advancement only on condition that the group helps you, and you will search constantly for a state contrary to the ego, meaning connection, bestowal, and love.
From the Convention in Krasnoyarsk 6/13/13, Lesson 3