When we begin to feel something regarding the source of the Light and the Light itself it is an advanced level. We want to discover it, to perceive it, to manage it. It’s a high level in the development of the ego called “Pharaoh,” who asks: “Who is the Lord that I should listen to Him? I want to manage my own life by myself!”
I agree that the Creator exists and that He manages the world, but I want to manage it in His place! After many blows, when I see that I can’t do it, I begin to figure out what’s going on, the true goal of that manager, what he wants, and for what purpose.
Then I feel that the concealment of the Manager is because of my desire to reveal Him in order to manage Him. These is why the manager conceals himself until I begin to feel that there’s no choice and give up—I decide to get to know Him. Thus, a special attitude towards the Creator is born in the created being who wants to take his place. Now he changes his attitude to such an extent that he wants to resemble the Creator. He then begins to discover the Creator’s plan. Until then he hoped that he’d have a chance to manage the world, to know its laws, and to turn it as the desire to receive pleases.
But then he begins to understand that it’s impossible and that it’s better to contact the Creator in order to know His plan and to try to follow Him, which is called “to keep the laws of nature.” Now he understands that there are rules to the entire way he has experienced. Everything is subject to a special formula and it’s by the concealment that a person gets a chance to participate in his own growth.
Despite the emptiness that he feels in his vessels of reception, he can rise above them and identify with the upper plan, with the Manager. Then his desire to receive doesn’t stand in his way, but rather the opposite, the bad feeling pushes a person to exit himself, to exit his ego, since he only feels pain in it. In this case it’s easier for a person to rise above this pain, above his desire to receive, and adhere to the upper plan in order to advance consciously, by knowing the Manager.
Then he sees that the shadow that hid the pleasures and the Creator from him actually acted in his favor. It says, “I delight to sit in His shade and His fruit is sweet to my palate,” which means that he already receives pleasure from the concealment since he sees that he is born anew from it. This is because the Creator never wanted to cause him pain; the Creator is good and benevolent. A mother’s womb (Rechem in Hebrew) comes from the Hebrew word Rachman (merciful), and although a person’s birth is under great pressure and with labor pains, it comes from the love and mercy that the Creator shows a person.
A person must constantly check himself and see under what shadow he is, whether he’s under the “shadow of Holiness” or the “Shadow of the Sitra Achra” (the other side). This is determined by the way a person comes out of every situation, and where this shadow takes him, to which actions it leads him, and to how he determines his state. Whether he feels that it helps him comes closer to the Manager, which means that the Manager seems to playing with him, drawing his attention and calling him to get to know Him. Then he sees that the shadow was not on the Manager, not on the Creator, but rather on his own ego.
But a person may not understand all this and demand only one thing: that the shadow will disappear from the world. Here the main question is solved—can a person attribute all the shadows to his desire to receive and understand that this is how the Creator helps him restrict his desire and create a Masach (screen) and the Returning Light and get closer to the Creator?
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/18/12, Shamati #8