If we wish to attain The Book of Zohar, we must think about how we attain it. We connect our desires directed towards the goal into one big desire and strive to turn it from a receiving desire into a bestowing one.
Even though this desire is for a higher degree, for the attainment of the meaning and purpose of life, it’s still an egoistic, uncorrected desire that strives to receive for itself much more than regular people. And that’s why this desire is the evil inclination, and not the good one.
While the entire world exists in corporeal desires on the animate level, we exist at the origin of the desire that pertains to the human level, meaning the desire to attain spirituality, the Creator, something above this world. But I want it for myself. I don’t care about the entire world, nothing concerns me, I disregard everyone else even more. And other people also notice that I don’t pay attention to anyone or anything; I only care about attaining something exalted. It turns out that in this way I became an even bigger egoist.
On one hand, it’s true that “every person, bigger than his friend, has greater egoism.” But in the end, I am not yet on the next degree together with my extreme desire that already pertains to the next degree; rather, according to the nature of the desire, its essence, I exist in a state opposite to it. It’s because my desire is directed towards “one’s own sake” and does not correspond at all to the next degree.
All my previous degrees (on the still, vegetative, animate, and human levels, where I advanced throughout my life over the course of all my reincarnations) were built on the basis of the constant development of the desire to receive pleasure, and it’s due to it that I kept attaining things, advancing linearly and forward. But now I must change the actual nature of the desire.
I can no longer directly use the desire that arises in me and attain what I want. On the contrary, when a desire comes to me, I must reverse its intention, what I am using it for, and then I attain the desired.
This correction of the use of desire really confuses me. I don’t really know how to use it because correction is not in my hands. It introduces a certain foreign factor into my life, my perception of desire, its realization, and a certain compensation. This factor is the Light that Reforms since I am not capable of changing the desire on my own to make it work for the benefit of someone else.
After all, in my ego I feel that this goodness is not inside me, so what do I need all this for and why? This does not give me strength. I suddenly feel weak, disappointed, and desperate; I’m not able to do anything unless it’s for me. So where can I get the moving force, the “fuel”?
I need to find “fuel” that will also be someone else’s. In other words, a “machine” that works for the sake of bestowal needs a different kind of “fuel” than a “machine” that works for itself. A desire, that works “for its own sake” constantly advances me towards the goal, it sees the future goal and it rushes forward. And here it’s the other way around: If I move another millimeter closer to the goal, I’ll feel even emptier in my desire to receive pleasure. So how can I advance?
This is why there are special actions here called “the Light that Reforms,” which I need in order to feel the importance of bestowal so that bestowal will fulfill me and give me the same fulfillment as reception used to give. How is this possible? It’s opposite to everything I have in this life….
I don’t see that this can be realized as all of nature exists because it wants to attain something, get itself fulfilled. But here I am required to transfer fulfillment towards others, without receiving anything in return, instead of fulfilling myself. But if I acquire love for them, it will be as if I was fulfilling myself, my desire is to express my love for them. In other words, there should be something out of this world here. And this is really the way things are—the quality of bestowal is really out of this world.
From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/10/2011, The Zohar