Answer: This can only happen with the help of the Light that Reforms.
You are forgetting that there is a force operating in creation which drives us. We are puppets. I cease being a puppet when I ask the Light to change me. I do not do anything on my own. The Light makes the actions in the vessels. However, I can influence it with my desire, with my request, “Change me more, accelerate my development.” This is the only thing I can ask from it.
If I attract it, then I advance by the path of acceleration, and this is my only possible personal contribution. Development unfolds one way or another. The only difference is in the extent of the troubles and suffering. I can either advance quickly, consciously, with awareness, by my own desire, or slowly, with “a lot of blood spilled.” But one way or another, I evoke the Lights that change me.
Naturally, I want to use the other for my own benefit and I will never want to unite with him. Why would I? I don’t have some hidden button that can switch the egoistic desire to an altruistic one.
However, if I use the environment and the study, if I persuade myself, if I form a “desire without a desire,” “a prayer before a prayer,” then all of my requests accumulate and work, even if they are insincere, and gradually I truly do begin to deem the quality of bestowal, love, and unification important. “There’s something worthwhile there, after all. I shouldn’t let it go by. It’ll come in handy.”
Sometimes I want it and sometimes I don’t. Later the desire no longer disappears, but it is small. And eventually, from the distant states, I reach a firm, decisive desire: “I want it, and that’s all.” Why? “Because.” What will you get out of it? “I can’t explain that. You wouldn’t understand anyway.” But still? “The Light is working on me. It has changed me and now I want this. The Light changed me because I resorted to all kinds of tricks and contrivances. I did everything I could, I made efforts, and I found.”
We should never forget this principle: Everything is done by the Light, and we can awaken it. Therein lies our free choice. Don’t look for an opportunity to change yourself directly and don’t eat yourself up for being weak. To achieve inner changes, we always have to turn to the Light. And that means constantly raising our prayer to the upper one.
From the 5th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/23/11, “Peace in the World”