Question: Is it true that we can become aware of evil only after the Machsom (barrier to spirituality)? What can I do until then?
Answer: Every degree has its measurement, its standards, and its criteria. Identically, I had different views of myself at the age of four, five, six, or seven.
Even now, I have a possibility to recognize evil. Physically, I am present in the group, but am I there with my soul? No, I am not. What will this state lead me to? What will happen to me? I cannot reach spirituality like this. It’s too bad. I feel sorry for lost time, a wasted life, from which I did not gain anything.
Then, I start hating what prevents me from connecting with the friends: my difference from them. Of course, all this occurs in egoism, in the receiving desire that wants to obtain spirituality so as to not miss anything in life. However, this puts me in the correct egoistic condition of Lo Lishma (for oneself), and then the influence of the Light turns it into the altruistic state of Lishma (for the sake of the Creator).
Anyway, shame is present here as well. First, I am ashamed of the possibility of being caught for theft, then I notice that it is not worthwhile stealing, at least not always. As a result, I change internally so that I do not want anything from anybody. All I want is to bestow. This is my aspiration, and I am happy with it.
Wonderfully, this is Lo Lishma, and the will to bestow, the act of bestowal, is already embedded in it. Although, there is compensation: a good feeling. In this way, we connect with good and do not demand anything for the time being.
At the next stage, the Light Reforms a person even without his awareness, and he really connects with to the Good Who does Good. Thus first, I connect with good that makes me feel good, and then, I switch to real bestowal to the Creator.
From the 5th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/26/2011, “Matan Torah (The Giving of the Torah)”