Question: The point in the heart stirs up doubt in a person: “Who and what am I? What am I living for?” Is there a point on the spiritual path when a person stops doubting the Creator and His plan, or does it accompany him until the end?
Answer: Doubts will surely continue since without them, it’s impossible to advance and examine oneself. Doubting is a state when anything is possible in any direction, when you can’t tell the angel of death from the angel of life, good from evil, and the Creator from His opposite.
On every new degree, in every state, you are supposed to pass through the states that reflect the entire path, including the worst and the best in mind and heart. Without doubting as an intermediate state, we won’t succeed.
As it is written: “And there was evening and there was morning, one day.” Each new degree begins with an evening, meaning from the blending of things that I can’t tell apart: “It looks like light, but it isn’t anymore…. It looks like I am in the dark, but it’s not that dark.” Everything is blurry before my eyes.
Hence, when you fall into confusion and doubt, you should know that a new state is approaching you: “Everything is foggy again, I forgot even the simplest things I learned, or there is nothing I can hold on to.” This is how you pass from one degree to the next. Enjoy this passage.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/7/2011, Writings of Rabash
The worst and most painful state experienced by Malchut is the state of total fulfillment by the Light in the world of Infinity since it has nothing to cover itself with. All of this forces Malchut to undergo multiple transformations that we call movements, actions.
This chain of reactions that Malchut has to go through is regarded as motion on its part. Hence, it is all about the inner sensations, inner wisdom, inner movement, and about the fact that everything is done solely by the desire and the intention accompanying it. Nothing else is real but this!
Our world that we observe around us is imaginary. Everything is taking place inside Malchut of the world of Infinity until it completes itself and starts receiving in order to bestow, meaning abandons the feeling of receiving for self-gratification it used to have before the First Restriction. That’s so even though this first sensation didn’t qualify as egoistic since Malchut didn’t commit it consciously and didn’t know what state it was entering.
Thus, spiritual motion isn’t measured and evaluated by the number of corporeal actions, but only by the inner states a person is going through. This is why it is so difficult to measure. Everybody keeps asking: How can I know how far I have advanced? In fact, this can only be measured when you’ve entered the spiritual world and can count precisely how many spiritual actions you have performed.
Watching a little child, we see that he doesn’t have any idea where he is and what he is doing. Only as he continues to grow, he perfects the quality of his mind and starts counting what happened yesterday, today, and what will be happen tomorrow. He learns to sense time and later on, motion. He is taught: Do this and do not do that. In other words, he starts attaining certain things and the connection between them; he learns how to transition from one state to the other consciously, to listen to and follow what grown-ups recommend.
It is similar in the spiritual world, and we come to perform the spiritual acts. But all of them take place solely within a person. On the outside, nothing is going on, and nothing depends on the external actions. And yet, our external deeds can influence our internal state since it has to do with human psychology.
We get involved in the surrounding society by way of our personal participation, by certain corporeal actions, and thanks to that, we unify with it internally. And this inner bond impacts us and gets counted as our spiritual work.
Hence, it all depends on our awareness of the evil—that’s why we study and do spiritual work. The instant a person feels his egoism, he is ready to take spiritual action, meaning to change within, in order to get rid of this evil. And then the question is what kind of evil it is: how big it is in quality and quantity regarding bestowal or reception.
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/6/2011, Talmud Eser Sefirot
Shamati (I Heard) No. 161, “The Matter of the Giving of the Torah”: Concerning the giving of the Torah on Mount Sinai: It does not mean that the Torah was given then and that now it is not. Rather, the giving of the Torah is an eternal thing—the Creator always gives. However, we are unfit to receive. But then, on Mount Sinai, we were the receivers of the Torah. And the only merit that we had then was that we were as “one man in one heart.” This means that we all had but one thought—the reception of the Torah.
However, from the Creator’s perspective, He always gives, as it is written…, “Man must hear the ten commandments on Mount Sinai every day.”
This means that the Torah is being given to us now and always has been, but then we were like one man with one heart. That is why we could receive the Torah, but now we cannot because we are separated. Once we become united, the giving will take place again.
The ten commandments received from the Creator are always before the person, and there is always the possibility to use the Light called the Torah for benefit or detriment. The correct work and yearning to achieve a more advanced state attract the Surrounding Light to us. This is called studying the Torah: aspiring to learn what is written in it, to feel what it says about us, about our states, and our qualities. I have to feel them when I am studying and become similar to them.
I want to enter this picture that talks about me and begin to live there, to let this story that I am reading now be realized inside me. These are the efforts we have to put forth, to wish to become adults. If we accept these conditions and use them correctly, this means that we have made the efforts, as it is written: “I labored and I found.”
Then, my reality changes because my desire changes. It begins to build itself from the Surrounding Light and perceives in itself the image of the Giver of the Torah, the image of the Creator. The Light corrects my desire, and thus I start realizing the property of bestowal; I come from the giving of the Torah to the receiving of the Torah and from there, to the Giver of the Torah.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/7/2011, Shamati #161