Answer: If you ask psychologists, they can tell you about what happens to a young couple who has recently gotten married. When they start living together, after the honeymoon period is over, there comes a period of mutual complaints, dissatisfaction, tension, and conflicts, and now they have to work really hard in order to continue living together.
These periods can be long or short, and this depends entirely on the example they saw in their parent’s home. At this time, a young couple needs advice from psychologists or parents to help them connect on the basis of mutual respect and compromise, instead of love.
They have to learn how to avoid pressing each other’s buttons, which cause the conflicts between them while they remain inside theirs egos and are egoistically attached to their partner. This is what happens in our daily life. However, this approach doesn’t work in our spiritual development.
While advancing in spirituality, a person does have to look for these points of tension and make them visible instead of concealing them because “the Torah will come out” precisely from these points. If a person views them correctly, wishing to discern and utilize them in order to reform himself, then instead of demanding something else, he strives to attain his own inner evil.
This is possible only when a person walks along with the Creator, as if holding onto His hand, as it is written, “Come unto Pharaoh with me!” One has to discern this Pharaoh, this evil within, and then tame and reform it, unify with it, and flee from it. But while working with the evil, a person must always be bound to the goal and use the Creator’s force.
All conflicts, arguments, and tensions can be revealed between the friends in the group only on the condition that they strive for unity, if they make efforts to come together. Only then will they see that they hate one another and don’t have any desire to be one. Therefore, they must bring the Creator into it so He may reform this hate. After all, it is the Creator who shows man where his evil resides. This is the place where He doesn’t dwell, the place without Light.
From the lesson on 2/25/11, Writings of Rabash