A ban on receiving pleasure does not mean that you may not enjoy for the sake of bestowal. For example, a guest tells the host: “I will not eat anything you give me.” “Why?” wonders the host, “I worked so hard and I really wanted to please you. Please, do me a favor, eat something. If not for you, at least do it for me.” Now the guest understands that the pleasure won’t be for his own sake, but in order to bestow to the host. Therefore, instead of shame he feels respect and compassion.
The guest reasons, “The host really loves me and is really upset because I am not accepting the treats he has prepared. I can’t let him suffer this way! In reality, I would really love to taste his dishes, but I will never do it for my own sake. In order to please him, I have to evoke the same desire for the food, but with a new intention: to want to receive pleasure, but for the sake of the host.
The appetite that I am now awaking does not come from my desire, but rather because I have looked into the host’s heart and saw how much he loves me. I found out what I can do to please him – I have to enjoy whatever I receive from him.
My desire to eat is not important to me; it is nothing but a means for the two of us to connect. Before it was the most important thing determining all my actions, and that is why I was ashamed, but now it helps me bestow.”
The Creator created us this way. He gave us the desire to receive pleasure and fulfillment, but we can use all of this in order to bestow pleasure to Him.