A question I received: I am a 31 year old woman, married with five children. Recently my marriage went through a difficult crisis. My husband cheated on me with my best friend (a divorcee) and then left me for her. Their relationship continued for four months, and it was very difficult for me to live through that period. Now my husband and I are living together again and trying to rekindle our relationship. He says he needs to share with me what he went through during that period, but I’m afraid that I just won’t be able to bear the pain of it all over again. I think that I have to erase everything that happened from my memory in order to go on with my life. What do you think?
My Answer: You are right. Don’t think about the past, but only about the present and the future. Think of your husband as if you’ve just met, and erase everything that happened. This is what Kabbalah advises us to do, and it’s the same with our relationship with the Creator. This action is called “Dilug” – skipping over.
One should think that events happening now are happening through one’s active participation and that they are actions that he can and must change. However, as soon as part of an action or the entire action has happened, one should immediately accept it as something that happened according to the Creator’s initial plan.
In other words, do not regret anything, but also do not be proud of what you did or think that it happened because of you, that you participated in it. Rather, accept it as something that nature gave to you and that passed over you in order to teach you about the following action – which depends entirely on you. Your attitude to the future should be ordinary, materialistic – without relying on the Creator. We learn in Kabbalah that everything depends on raising a MAN – a request for correction.
It is difficult to relate everything that happened in the past to the Creator. Yet it is necessary, because otherwise you can’t be constantly unified with the Creator. The union with the Creator lies in always perceiving Him, while attributing all of the past to Him, and all of the future – to yourself.
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