Only when I try to exit my desire to receive do I reveal that I am incapable of doing so. I do not want my egoism to determine my entire life because it is an evil inclination that prevents me from attaining eternity, perfection, and the purpose of creation; it obstructs my connection with others and blinds me to the good that lies within such a connection.
Egoism hides everything from me and instills false values and condemns me to a temporary, fleeting life. Therefore, I declare it my enemy.
Egoism was revealed when the soul of Adam HaRishon broke, when the connection between its desires was torn apart. There was a vessel composed of ten complete Sefirot, and it shattered. Now, instead of unity among all these parts, there is rejection of one another, and hatred is revealed.
This is what is called the evil inclination; it is when each person thinks he should reign and care only for himself, and others must serve him. This is why egoism is called the “angel of death,” because if I am cut off from others, I can sense only the life I feel now in this world: a weak spark of existence.
But if I am connected with others, I sense the common flow of life that passes through everyone. This is what spiritual life means. Either we feel life as we do today, or we reach the sensation of the collective life in which there are 125 degrees, each higher than the previous one. Yet all of them already belong to eternal life, which we feel because the light flows between us.
Right now, I am unable to sense the angel of death in the simple fact that I ask for something for myself, because this understanding must come from above, from the upper light. For this, I need at least a slight illumination, which I still do not have. And so I go to the group against my will, without faith, and I make efforts to connect with the friends. I do not want connection and neither do they, but we act according to the advice of the Kabbalists.
Because we strive to unite above our unwillingness, we forcibly draw the upper light toward ourselves. And when it shines upon us, we begin to feel the difference between spiritual and material life and gradually advance.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/10/20, “Work with Faith Above Reason”
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