Entries in the 'Children' Category

New Life 753 – Expectations And Disappointments

New Life 753 – Expectations And Disappointments
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

According to our nature we anticipate pleasure all the time. If a child doesn’t see something pleasurable ahead of him, he will not grow. The expectation mechanism exists in us to bring us to resolve the big question, why are we alive?

Since we don’t want to be disappointed, we develop defense mechanisms and learn not to expect anything so that we won’t be disappointed. Disappointment is the place that is not filled with what we expected to be filled and its purpose is to direct us toward a goal correctly.

In contrast to people, animals have no expectations for the future; they adhere to the moment. But the more a person develops, the more distant is his vision of the future. If a person has a higher purpose, he relates to all expectations and disappointments as corrections of direction on his way there.

In systems of relationships in which we truly love others, this in itself is fulfilling for us. The realization of love is giving, and to the degree that a person gives, he is fulfilled. So it doesn’t depend on the other side, but upon his relationship to the other side.

Our world is entirely egoistic; we draw pleasure to ourselves and therefore encounter limitations and become tired. The whole idea is to develop love from us to others. So if someone gets tired of love, this indicates it is not complete love. Love beyond the ego, which is not for those who are close to us but for those who are strangers, is not tiring. Instead it opens a person to the upper world. Then one is nourished by the general force of nature, which is entirely love and has limitless energy.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 753 – Expectations And Disappointments,” 7/26/16

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New Life 752 – Master Of My Own Fate

New Life 752 – Master Of My Own Fate
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

Everything comes to an end. The question is, can we reach a life that is full of only good and sweet events? They say that the wise can foresee the future, but others say that it is better not to see it, but simply to live the moment. There are different approaches: one is to ignore the situation, which means to lie to ourselves; the second is to mitigate the situation; the third is blind faith.

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah none of this is true. We can learn to change our fate! Scientists have discovered that there is constancy in everything in the world, and our lives are also managed by the upper constancy. We can penetrate the upper operating system of reality and thus control our lives. There are two systems of scrutinizing reality that constantly operate on us: bitter and sweet; truth and lie.

These systems have to bring us to a general scrutiny, to the question of what is the point in our life, what are we living for? The upper operating system operates according to a precise program that aims at the truth, which is the wellbeing of the whole. The more I begin to think about the wellbeing of others, the more I feel the system and understand what is going on.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 752 – Master Of My Own Fate,” 7/26/16

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New Life 751 – Connecting Opposites

New Life 751 – Connecting Opposites
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

All conflicts stem from our nature. Our nature is the evil inclination and it is constantly brewing something for us. The wisdom of Kabbalah is the only method that allows us to use conflicts in order to develop and to reach a state of wholeness. We have reached a point today in which it is impossible to cover up conflicts on any level or in any field anymore. Today the ego is so big that a person cannot stand anyone by his side in a relationship, in the family, or at work.

Here the wisdom of Kabbalah offers a very practical solution whereby we must find a way to connect above our differences, to discover love above the hatred. In order to do so, we have to discover the positive force in nature that will balance the negative force in us, the evil inclination. A middle line will be built between the negative force and the positive force that we have to discover, and in order to do so, we have to learn a new technique of connecting.

This learning process is done in a group, through exercises. In these exercises everyone relates to himself in several ways: once as the smallest in the group, then as bigger than the other members in the group, and finally as an equal to them. Thus, the three lines of our attitude to others are built in each one and eventually the central point of connection is felt. We expect the special force, the upper Light, called the Creator to be revealed in the center of our connection. Then we will understand that the purpose of all the conflicts between us was to bring us to the attainment of the upper dimension.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 751 – Connecting Opposites,” 7/21/16

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Man Is A Social Creature

laitman_423_02Question: Can one get along without other people? Why is it necessary to be in contact with others if such relations are full of disappointments and pain?

Answer: It is impossible to live without mutual relations with others. We have to acknowledge the fact that we depend on other people, that we love to communicate, that we care about our opinion of others and about their opinion about us.

We cannot be satisfied with the media channels and communicate only through them. We are interested in what happens to other people.

We are a social creation of nature and so we have no choice but to be social creatures just as nature has created us and not escape to remote secluded places and live there.

We have to correct ourselves. Escaping from society will lead to nothing and will make us feel low, miserable, and totally uncomfortable. There are people who buy a house on some island and spend their life there not wanting to know anything. Sometimes they visit their neighbors or contact another family or two and settle for that.

Of course it all depends on a person’s character, but even if there are still such people in this generation, there will not be any in the next generation, because despite the difficulty we have communicating, we get closer to each other from one generation to the next and so we have to find the way to establish the right contact with one another. This is what the wisdom of Kabbalah says.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 5/1/16

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Man’s Responsibility To Rebuild Society
The End Of Human Development Or A New Beginning?
The Future Lies In A Good Mutual Connection

Can Friendship Exist Without Self-Benefit?

laitman_527_02Question: Can friendship exist without self-benefit, and if so, how are the equality and the mutual interdependence in the relationship expressed?

Answer: A person never does anything without self-benefit because he is an egoist. Every action he performs is always an action that he benefits from.

This means that the closer a person is to you and the more you perceive him as part of you, the more you can act in his favor since it is as if you are doing it for your own sake. It is only in such circumstances that a connection between people is possible and not in any other way.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 5/1/16

Related Material:
Non-Egoistic Help
“Take Off The Rose-Colored Glasses!”
Egoistic Altruists

New Life 750 – Conflicts In Relationships

New Life 750 – Conflicts In Relationships
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Conflict is a natural phenomenon; it is necessary when there is contact between two individuals in creation. The ego, the desire to receive, to enjoy, and to control is constantly growing. All clashes are stem from this. Life is built on connection above the natural oppositions between us; it is written, “Let them go out and make a living one from the other” (Berachot 3b). Conflict is what teaches us what we must do to rise above it. Conflicts are instinctive in still, vegetative, and animate nature.

In the human species, the goal is to develop to “make a living one from the other,” meaning to complement each other, beyond belligerence to a more human level.

Conflict is the foundation of life; it is the foundation of our orientation in nature, like plus and minus. The true solution to conflict can only be through connection, through building a connection above opposition.

It is impossible to eliminate conflicts, it is impossible to “whitewash” them. Instead, one must learn how to build a network of connection above them. In this manner, the conflict remains in full force and we build a connection above it. This situation gives a unique additional pleasure that we are not familiar with in this world. This state is called love, and it is built in the face of hatred.
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From KabTV”s “New Life 750 – Conflicts In Relationships,” 7/21/16

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New Life 760 – Longing For Love

New Life 760 – Longing For Love
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Yael Leshed-Harel

In general everyone loves the sources that fill his needs and his desires.The desire to be loved is imprinted in us and is meant to eventually bring us to a loving connection with everyone.

The love between parents and children is also natural. When a child grows he begins to love different things.

When we connect with someone we acquire his desires and his thoughts; we acquire a new life and expand. We begin to feel the world through others. When someone loves me I feel that I belong equally and am special. When someone stops loving me I am furious.

A good attitude toward my self is perceived as “I am loved!” If nobody loves me, I need a substitute.

When I feel that someone cares about me my life lightens up and I feel vital. When a person receives no attention he dies.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 760 – Longing For Love,” 8/16/16

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New Life 758 – Loving Children Properly

New Life 758 – Loving Children Properly
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

There are two opposing forces at the foundation of nature, the force of attraction and the force of repulsion, love and hatred. So hatred and love are the two main forces upon which all of our lives are built. Only in humans, has nature not left clear boundaries when it comes to attraction and repulsion, love and hate.

For these two forces to be in balance and for our children, we need to to us to relate to the “middle line.” Absolute love awakens repulsion and hatred in a child because he doesn’t know how to respond to it. So incessant pressure is useless and places children in an unclear situation. As people, we are not prepared to feel something that is unlimited; if love is unlimited, it is impossible to feel it.

To know how to behave correctly, one must study human nature. The wisdom of Kabbalah teaches this. The right connection includes 3 kinds of attitudes: I am greater than the other, smaller than the other, and equal to the other. Parents and children need to sit in a circle together and speak as equals.

Through such conversations, children will acquire importance and responsibility. If parents radiate a spirit of reciprocity, equality, and respect, this spirit will pass to the children and they will understand that even when parents restrict them, it comes from love. In addition to feelings and intellect, we must develop the middle line in children.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 758 – Loving Children Properly,” 8/11/16

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Ynet: “What Is Important For Our Children At School?”


From my column on Ynet: “What Is Important For Our Children at School?”

If we don’t want to wake up one morning and discover that we have lost a whole generation, we have to change the education system that prepares our children for life as soon as possible. But while all the surveys indicate the need for urgent change the Ministry of Education is focused on conveying knowledge and on grades only. What is the solution?

If you were one of the decision makers in the country, which public service would you improve first? The medical care services, the National Security institute, the courts, or the education system? Hundreds of Israelis answered this question in a poll conducted by the Central Bureau of Statistics and the results were published this week.

If you are the excited parents of children who are starting a new school year this week, you probably know the answer to this question. More than 30% of the public believe that the Israeli education system needs improvement: 48% of the parents in Israel are disappointed with the way it operates; 60% look for alternatives, and 81% of the parents complain that the education system doesn’t prepare the children for adult life in the 21st century.

The customer is always right, and in this case it is the parents. What tools to manage in society will our children have after 12 years of school? What values will they learn in school? Racism is growing, the division in the nation is widening, and the discourse in social networks is becoming more violent. Who is preparing our children to cope with these real problems and many more?

Parents, do you care?

This week school will once again become the central institution that influences your child’s life and future. The public education system was established as the 19th century industrial revolution accelerated with the intention of training many workers for the assembly lines. It has not changed much since then… It thus turns out that the main focus is on teaching professional skills that will serve the economic system better and will help it develop. As long as schools continue to be a factory for producing good and competitive citizens and the achievement test is the only criterion for measuring success, there is no point sending our children to school.

The school system should first focus on teaching values and not information. Improving the core subjects and increasing the number of students who take five point English and math final exams (the highest level) and rewriting phrases in social studies is important, but this is the role of the Ministry of Information and not of the Ministry of Education.

Profound Re-education

In the meantime, there is a sharp decline in the number of youth that want to serve in the army. Many young people think about leaving the country and we are becoming increasingly more indifferent to one another every day. In a state that is coping with a national problem called unfounded hatred, the seeds of which were planted with the destruction of the Temple, we have to take action and teach the national idea of “love thy friend as thyself.”

“The one concerned with days, plants wheat; with years, plants trees; with generations, educates people” (Janusz Korczak). Every parent worries about the future of his children and does his best so that they will learn to keep the family relations between them. This is how we together should also worry about the future of the next generation. We should encourage the improvement of interpersonal relations so that we can discover the power of unity and the wellness and security it offers, not as a result of the false spirit of mutual guarantee which emerges at times of trouble. “Our only hope is to profoundly rearrange the education of our children, to discover and to reignite the natural love that is flickering in us and to revive the national muscles in us which have been inactive for two thousand years” (The Writings of Baal HaSulam).

A Lesson in Connection

If we don’t want to wake up one morning and discover that we have lost a whole generation, I suggest that we start the school day as Baal HaSulam says in his article, with at least one hour of consolidating unity activity. We mustn’t miss the moment; we have to sit on the school bench again. “We, the nation should lead to an interaction that will create a micro society among the students in which everyone cares about everyone else like a small family. This will prepare the children to establish a warm friendly connection on top of all the tension and the natural conflicts among them, and bring out all the creativity and potential in them. (“Education doesn’t create anything new but brings out what is already in a person” Rav Kook).

During the “connection hour,” the teachers will provide the basic tools for building a strong and healthy connection between the students, bring examples of positive mutual dependence and consideration, and will guide the students in how to better cope with the global world, which affects every aspect of our life. The children will sit in a circle in which everyone is equal and can see and hear each other, not behind desks arranged in a row. Everyone will learn to listen to each other without imposing their opinion until they reach a general understanding. Gradually they will learn to overcome their egoistic nature, and finally they will feel a partnership, connection, and love as it is written: “love will cover all our transgressions.”

A Teacher forLife

The teacher will also be part of the circle and will sit with the children and talk with them on the same level. He will replace his authority and superiority with the art of asking leading questions that help the children discover the information by themselves by communicating and speaking among them. This is how information is assimilated in a much more meaningful, qualitative manner.

A child who grows up in an environment that measures his success according to his consideration of others and according to his contribution to the whole society is guaranteed to flourish and to be educated. As an adult he will undoubtedly face life with a much wider perspective of the world and with a feeling of responsibility and care regarding the building of a considerate egalitarian society, just like the environment he grew up in.

“It is a shame to admit” says Baal HaSulam in the same article that “one of the most precious and important qualities which we have lost during our time in exile, is our national awareness, which means the natural feeling that connects and sustains every nation. It is because the strings of love that tie the Israeli nation together have deteriorated and have been cut from our hearts and are lost and gone.” Our nation has a great wisdom of connection, an ideology that has been established for generations. All we have to do is to implement the method of connection that is rooted in the love of mercy of Abraham among our dear children. It isn’t a dream, in is right here in the relations between us.
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From Ynet article 8/31/16

New Life 759 – Proper Boundaries In Love

New Life 759 – Proper Boundaries In Love
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

The wisdom of Kabbalah teaches how to relate to others in a balanced way, including one’s spouse.

For this we must study human nature, add limits to instinctive sensations of love and hatred, and make connections between us correctly, with a spiritual connection.

A person begins to feel the other when he reins in his narcissism, the desire to fulfill himself. He restricts his egoism, rises above instinctive drives, and develops a relationship toward others through internal effort.

In proper love between spouses and in general, there exists a balance between feelings and intellect. On the one hand, there is love, and on the other hand, there is a limit to revealing that love, a limitation on the giving to others depending on the response of the other side.

In order to build a loving connection, we must take the desire of the other and work on fulfilling it, the result of which is aspiring to become one.
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From KabTV’s “New Life 759 – Proper Boundaries In Love,” 8/11/16

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