Question: A man is inherently unstable in relation to a woman. Let’s say he meets a woman, but after a while, the initial attraction fades. Why does he want another, and another, and another?
Answer: This stems from the spiritual root because he constantly wants to fill and fill, but feels no novelty in the same state.
A woman, it is the opposite; she “sticks” to him because she receives 90% of her desires from him, and only 10% of her own. A man receives 90% of his own desires and 10% from the woman. This is how they exchange their desires through contact.
Of the ten Sefirot, nine are Zeir Anpin and one is Malchut. Therefore, for a woman, it is enough to attach herself to a man; with that, she receives both the desire and the fulfillment. But for a man, this is not enough; he needs constant renewal in Malchut so that new souls can enter her, giving him an opportunity to fill them. If Malchut does not renew, then he has nothing to do with her.
The same happens in our world. If a man does not feel novelty, change in a woman, or flirtation, he quickly loses interest. Psychologists explain our relationships exactly this way and try to help with their renewal.
In our time, when all of this is revealed and completely accessible, fulfillment is disappearing even more. On one hand, this is a common problem on the material level; on the other hand, it leads us toward the need to truly rise to the resolution of different problems.
I think our generation is going through exactly this. It is not just experiencing it, but moving forward. Gradually, it will give this a very simple place to fill its needs, and everything will move to a higher realm.
Question: But why does society condemn a man for adultery if this is a natural, innate impulse that comes from above?
Answer: In terms of global understanding, this comes from religion, particularly Christianity. But in all previous cultures, this was not the case.
On the other hand, we are not saying that salvation lies in total freedom: do whatever you want. We say that a person should “keep his head in the heavens,” and if they have needs, they should satisfy them in a normal, more or less socially accepted manner.
Question: But if a person is in spirituality, does that mean he must have one “spiritual” woman?
Answer: No, that could be even worse. He undergoes all kinds of inner upheavals and changes, and anything can happen in those states.
But that is not the main point; this is not how we evaluate a person. We evaluate him by where his head is, what his goal in life is, not by how he handles his animalistic needs.
This is the fundamental difference between a man and a woman. A woman needs only her man; she must know: he is mine. In principle, this is embedded in her by nature. This is how it descends to us from Zeir Anpin and Malchut of Atzilut.
But a man has no particular attachment here. If he does, then it is for the family, his own place, children, and a household, but this, so to speak, is general; it is not aimed specifically at a woman. This also comes from the higher structure of ZON of Atzilut.
Comment: But initially, at the first contact, a man behaves simply like a Don Juan. And then women always get offended: why are men such scoundrels?
My Response: We see this also among animals. There is nothing different here. In the animal world, the male is very beautiful. Look at lions, peacocks, and swans! They are made that way precisely to attract the female, to bring her into contact, to subjugate her. That is why the male needs such external attributes.
And here lies a contradiction, because a woman, in principle, does not need these external attributes at all. She does not see external beauty in a man; it does not interest her; she simply does not notice it.
On the contrary, she may like a man with a bit of a belly rather than some “Hercules.” She has a different perspective. She looks at a man from the standpoint of genetics; she sees in him a potential father, husband, provider; she evaluates him by completely different criteria than those by which a man wants to present himself.
All of this comes from spiritual roots.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Male betrayal” 8/28/10
Related Material:
Man And Woman – Such Different Worlds, Part 1
How Should We Relate To Unfaithfulness?
Love And Polygamy
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