“And Hold Fast to His Wife”
From a letter:
Hello! My neighbor Irina is studying Kabbalah with you. She sent me a quote yesterday. She knows that my husband and I are having difficulties, to put it mildly, and wants to help us. So, I decided to write to you. The quote is as follows:
“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’ That is, this one is worthy of being dedicated to the man, and the man is dedicated to her.
“Therefore, a man should love his wife as his own body and respect her more than his own body, have compassion for her and cherish her as one cherishes one of his own organs. And she, too, must respect and love him as her soul, for it is from him that she was taken” (Rabbi Abraham Ben David, Baalei HaNefesh).
I looked at Wikipedia, this is a Jewish sage. He lived in the 12th century. Tell me, is this suitable for us today, the way we are? Or is it only for the 12th century?
My Response: I think this attitude is more or less suitable at all times.
Question: Then she asks: “Explain what it means to hold fast to his wife and become one flesh?”
Answer: To take care of her. The way you take care of yourself, take care of her.
Question: This passage from the Torah says: a man will leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. That is, he will already care for his wife. Is this called “to hold fast”?
Answer: Yes.
Question: The second question is: what does it mean that we should be dedicated to each other? The word “dedicated,” what is it? Is this fate? What is it about?
Answer: Of course, this is fate. You see how people get closer to each other, get to know each other, how they gradually feel that they are good together. This is called “dedicated.”
Question: Is there some kind of hand in this that brings people together?
Answer: Of course.
Question: Do they not just meet by chance?
Answer: No. There is no chance at all.
Question: Is this what is called “dedicated”?
Answer: Yes.
Question: Next, she asks: “What does it mean “must love as oneself”? It sounds like an order that I am obliged to do this. Is it possible to oblige a person to do this?”
Answer: A man and a woman should see this goal before them: to love the life partner and companion so that they take care of him or her as of themselves. At least as much as possible. Both he and she have this task.
Question: “What does it mean that I should respect and love him as my soul? I don’t even know where my soul is, or if I love it at all. What does it mean to love like my soul?”
Answer: Like your life.
Question: One more question: “What does it mean that I, a wife, am taken from my husband? It is written, for it is from him that she was taken.
Answer: It is believed that a woman who lives with a man, as it were, becomes a part of him. It is called that she is taken from him.
Question: Her last question is: “In general, how to live together without getting divorced?”
Answer: It depends on people, and how seriously they take life. If they feel responsible to their children, and for each other, then they will manage.
Question: You know, today divorces take place all over the world.
Answer: I do not understand this because I believe that there should be no divorces.
Comment: You see, it is not for nothing that her first question was: “Does this apply to the sage of the 12th century or to us too?”
My Response: I think it does not matter what time it belongs to, but there should not be any divorces in general.
Comment: This is not the first time you have said this. Do you know what the comments are about this? “What if he is like that? What if she is like that? What if he drinks? What if he beats me?” And so on, a lot of them.
My Response: I cannot comment on all these screams, but I believe that there is still no place for divorce. Especially for the sake of children. It always hurts a lot.
Question: When you say that, do you mean a family that has children?
Answer: Otherwise, it is not a family, between you and me.
Question: Do you not mean that if it does not work out?
Answer: If there are any problems, it was already there initially.
Question: In principle, if they have children are they a family?
Answer: Yes.
Question: Can you suggest some kind of exercise for people who are in a state of anxiety: “What if it happens? What if we get divorced? We are moving toward this; we are getting closer to this.” What should they do? How can they sit down together and talk?
Answer: This is a problem and a long period of re-education. I think this is not easy. But still, divorce is the very last and, I would say, unacceptable step. This is something that cannot be crossed.
Question: If this enters into them, if they somehow absorb this into themselves, will this allow them to begin getting closer to each other from this moment on?
Answer: Yes. That is, it is important to discover and work with the point that there can be no divorces.
[322021]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/20/23
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