Question: When you begin to study the wisdom of Kabbalah, you perceive everything like a fairy tale, like a new life, which is indescribable. But with time, perhaps because this is how I see things through my ego, everything becomes a kind of a routine.
It becomes difficult to come to the morning lessons, although I really want to. You have probably been in these states. How can I renew them so that I will constantly have the energy for this?
Answer: When you arrived at the wisdom of Kabbalah your ego led you forward to attain the upper world, to attain the Creator, to know and to understand everything, to control your life and the whole world too. You felt like a hero, as if you had found a gold mine.
When you first joined you received new impressions from every lesson and everything was fine. But then, after a while, everything became dark for you, and you began to draw away because the upper light began to operate on you and to show you that you don’t resemble it, and that you are very far from it.
This means that it shines for you, but you feel that you are being lowered, that nothing interests you, that life is waning away, and nothing is attractive anymore. You feel like some kind of freak, and that in general everything around is totally disgusting. These are the implications of the awakening of the upper light that you have summoned by your study.
You felt this after a year. I felt it after two weeks. I remember this as if it happened today. It is a terrible state. But at the same time it is a very interesting state. When you first feel it a person doesn’t know what it is, what it is for, and why.
So what’s next? Then comes a time of very serious work on yourself. You will not be pulled or pushed forward by sweets or by light blows from behind anymore. You will have to force yourself to move forward, to learn systematically, and then the darkness will gradually fade away.
Good luck!! The main thing is meticulous daily work. He who follows the path will overcome.
From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 6/23/19