Question: What can be done if there is no desire to study the wisdom of Kabbalah and go to a group after many years of study? At first it seemed as if I had found the “philosophers’ stone” and my entire meaning of life was in the wisdom of Kabbalah.
Answer: As long as your ego was interested in studying the wisdom of Kabbalah, you ran to study, you learned its method, and it was very good for you. But today, your ego wants something else and is ready to abandon the study. Do you really think that you can systematically learn and seriously understand the wisdom of Kabbalah like that?! And this is true even for any other science. How could you do it?! You were given an opportunity to understand and know how the world in which you live is constructed, how to transform it into a Garden of Eden! This is for you, personally, for yourself. Do you want it? Go on. No? Unfortunately, I cannot give you a desire.
I can give only one piece of advice: you must play one against the other. Give an example of your greatest desire to one another. You must see how important it is to you to discover the meaning of life, its purpose, and its secrets!
Do not delay, but be sure to understand! This is a great truth, the truth! Latent in it is a characteristic that is so important to the world for attaining balance and a good future for you and for your children. Which is to say, you are involved in the most important and most interesting and secret wisdom that is gradually revealed to you. Have you lost your patience? You need to get it from the environment.
It is said, “buy yourself a friend” (Pirkei Avot 1:6). In a good and proper relationship with him, you can acquire his desire from him and continue to study, and you will have no need for anything else. You will begin to discover the upper world in the connection between you, and there you will gradually, as from a well of living water, begin to notice in the upper world how more and more future actions and events in our world are born within you. You will see yourself and your friends in a perfect state there.
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 5/8/16