It is very difficult for a person, that is, the desire to receive, to come to terms with the falls due to the fact that after an ascent, the success, feeling of power, nearness, and elation, he suddenly loses all knowledge and feeling, and is left lacking everything.
The desire for pleasure that expects fulfillment feels this as an unfair loss, like death, and doesn’t understand how this happened. The person begins to be angry and rebel.
This confuses him greatly; he becomes shaky and doesn’t understand what to do. Yet, it is precisely these situations that bring us to a reassessment in comparison to what was before. Previously, we measured our situations according to what we received through our desire for pleasure.
Then we began to evaluate situations according to the approach toward a goal, an idea, a spiritual message, how much we understood and felt the books of the Kabbalists were connected with a higher level—in other words, with the author of the books or the teacher.
The values gradually begin to be changed. Thanks to the ascents and descents that we go through our values are changed regarding reception and bestowal, of ourselves, and going outside of the ego. The person doesn’t know how this happens. The Light is what changes him, whereas the person only feels that the values of yesterday already seem different today because his priorities have changed.
This process of passing through the “49 Gates of Impurity” is great preparatory work that includes the Egyptian exile within it. We don’t just need to wait for it to be over quickly. Even though the person is in darkness, he constantly understands more and feels more who is managing him.
He clearly discerns more that the desire for pleasure is what dominates him, beating him all the time and is ready to do whatever it wants with him. On the other hand, he understands more and more that salvation can come only from above, and the participation of the person, himself, is only in how much he can influence this process, hasten the situations, accept them in a different way.
That life and those situations with which he agreed before this and thought were good, he now sees as the dominance of his ego. Ultimately, he decides that his situation is the Egyptian exile with all of its 49 Gates of Impurity.
Nothing more is required of us. We only need to examine the 49 Gates of Impurity quantitatively and qualitatively. The quantitative approach sounds like this: If I even fall for a second, I consider this to be slavery and the loss of everything that was dear to me.
If I am under the control of the ego even for a moment, I am under foreign control. I am no longer the master of my ego as things were during the years of abundance. Now, I begin to feel that this is what dominates me, yet I cannot do anything.
The qualitative approach means that I cannot agree with the smallest domination by the ego. Before this, I thought that being dominated by my desire to receive was not so bad, but now even one percent of that dominance that existed before, even one percent of the pressure from Pharaoh, is accepted as something terrible.
That is how I reach the 50th gate. On the border between the 49 Gates of Impurity and the 50th gate, my redemption takes place.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/9/14, Shamati #54