Answer: There is nothing wrong on the part of a person but only on the part of the Creator. The Creator arranges the state for us in which we can seemingly bestow: We perform actions and think that we bestow, but then we discover that it was an egoistic action in order to receive.
But I wanted to bestow with all my heart and at the same time didn’t understand that I acted egoistically, in order to receive, so why isn’t my action considered according to my intentions? It’s done purposefully so that a person will grow. I have to be shown that my ego keeps on growing.
If I see that I did something for myself, it means that I have already ascended to an upper lever and from there I look at my previous action and determine that it was in order to receive. Determining this fact is already a sign of advancement.
The Creator keeps on raising Pharaoh in me and gives me the power to deal with him. It’s a kind of a game that ends when I make the right decision and am ready for the change that instead of Pharaoh fulfilling me, the Creator should totally fill me, leaving me no way to return to my old self.
This means that I go through 49 gates of impurity, discover that I am totally submerged in my ego, and I want its control to be replaced by the Creator’s control. We are enslaved; we are merely a desire to receive that knows only one thing: that it is being operated.
This is what we need to understand. Today, humanity must understand through suffering that we are under the domination of nature and not above nature; that is, we are operated by it. We can only choose what domination we want to be under. First, we love our desire to receive and want to be in it. We do everything for it and don’t differentiate it from us. It’s the most precious thing for us.
The problem is that I don’t differentiate it from myself. I try to separate it from me and to see myself from the side, as operated by an alien force; I climb the stairs of comprehending impurity, pass through the 49 gates of impurity. That’s the most important thing.
The Light of AB-SAG that comes from Above performs the differentiation by showing me that I am not a desire to receive. Although this desire is in me and controls my mind and heart, I want to cut myself off from it, to separate from it. Thus, I clarify that I go through 49 gates of impurity until I feel the need to replace one domination with another.
I want to be ruled but not by the egoistic domination that I was given by the Creator from birth, by the “old foolish king.” If I want to be ruled by the Creator, I have to draw Him towards me by force, to bring Him into me so that He will dominate me. Then I expect another struggle regarding the acquisition of the attributes of receiving in order to bestow.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/1/14, Writings of Rabash