A person’s work with the group is meant to sustain the connection with the friends even if he draws away from them physically, when he goes to work or when he goes home. I should not break away from them even when I am in difficult states, not only in fatigue or indifference, but even when I feel hate and repulsion.
The Upper Light plays with me while I have to divide myself into two parts. The first part is all I feel since all these feelings come from the Light into my desire. The second half determines what I should do, it controls me.
It is as if I have two roles. The first role is to feel the states that the Light brings me as deeply as I can. The second role is to control my feeling and to understand where it comes from, what causes it and how I should change it in order to advance to the desired state.
I have to be an expert inspector, examining, clarifying, and checking myself to direct myself to the goal. Later these two discernments merge and thus become the body (Guf) and the head (Rosh) of the spiritual Partzuf. The head determines what happens in the body and how it should function but only if this part, my expert, has control over the other part, over the desire.
In the meantime I try to exist in these two roles and to constantly see myself from the side, thus clarifying what the Light does with me, how I change, how I should change, and how I should react to each and every state.
I constantly assess myself from this control system. I change by becoming more independent of my feeling, of the discernments in my desire. I try to do my best not to identify with the desire and to rise above it. This means that my “head” is above the “body.”
This is the function of the second phase along the way of our spiritual advancement. I expect to reach a state in which I feel that all the desires and inclinations that are created in me by the Light are good, although I don’t feel them that way and don’t see that they are valuable since everything is broken. But they are good and beneficial to my advancement and are essential along the way: I have to gradually correct them one by one, to collect them to the one goal, to adhesion to the Creator, since these are parts of my soul.
So I examine myself like an assessor who sees all the corruptions in me and am glad about it since only by correcting them can I advance. If I discover greater corruptions, it’s a sign that I am advancing well since I have revealed such great deficiencies I should do something about . This means that on the one hand, this problem can occupy all my thoughts and all my heart. I find myself in a terrible situation and don’t know what to do about it. The problems are so great that my head explodes because of the horrible tension.
But on the other hand, I should know that this whole state was sent to me by the Creator so that I will solve all these problems only in the connection with Him and with the goal. The solution to the problem begins when the goal becomes more important than the problem.
If this is how I see these two approaches, then I don’t care about what happens to me: My goal is to be corrected and to resemble the Creator in bestowal, love, and adhesion which are more important to me than my personal state. Thus I solve every state. If I place myself above the state, it usually doesn’t need a solution anymore. I see that I don’t need anything else, “everything is resolved in the thought.” With regard to our state, it means that every state is less important than our mutual guarantee, since mutual guarantee is the goal that we have to reach in the connection between us.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/7/14, Lesson on the Topic: “Preparation for the Convention”