Question: What does it mean to ask for connection with the Creator when in a difficult state, instead of trying to overcome the difficult state on one’s own?
Answer: Wisdom comes only with experience. We need to feel darkness many times, and then light, and again darkness and light. That is, we need to go through many unpleasant and pleasant sensations where I feel bad or good for all sorts of spiritual and material reasons, and I can do nothing about it.
Thousands of these experiences should change in me until I begin to realize that my perception depends upon my assessment, on the importance that I attach to the spiritual properties of connection, love, and my relationship to the others. I already start to guess what is hidden in this darkness and to feel it. I don’t just feel good or bad, but good and bad because of my relation to the group, because I don’t consider it important or don’t treat friends well.
There are many steps on this path, many small stages, not yet spiritual, but psychological barriers that must be overcome. And then comes the understanding that waking up out of the darkness, I start thinking about the screen, about the time when I can be above these feelings.
We have to go through the good and bad feelings, through day and night, until the end of correction. Although everyone goes through this in his own way, in the end, I begin to feel the need to rise above these feelings. I no longer want to depend on them and be their slave, but I want to be protected against them with a shield.
Let various internal impressions arise in me, but they should not affect my attitude toward the friends, toward the spiritual path, toward the importance of the goal and the Creator. I want to be independent in that from my egoistic desire and its sorrows. This requirement is being born in me: I want to be above the suffering of egoism, similar to the behavior of a true man in this world who bravely stands his ground, and nothing can shake him, no outside influence.
From this moment, I have a direct connection with the Creator because I begin to demand from Him. So far, I have asked for only good feelings, nice states, sweet fulfillment, that is, I demanded for my egoism. Now, I demand to raise me above my egoistic desire, and this the correct requirement for the Creator. I want to relate to the Master equally well, in the same direction, while remaining above emotions, above the sorrows of my ego. This is called the “anti-egoistic screen” (Masach).
Of course, these screens have a number of levels and features, but the work with the Light starts from this first screen. I want to restrict my desire to enjoy. And naturally, I feel everything that happens in it and the worry in myself. But all these emotions, cooking in my stomach, do not affect my vision, heart, and mind. There is a partition (Parsa) between them, which I feel as a diaphragm inside my body. Under this partition, in the “stomach” something is cooked and happens, but I want to identify myself with what is above this diaphragm: with the lungs, heart and brain.
From the Preparation to the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/28/13