The solution is primarily in the organization of the environment in which everyone would be able to fill up on the fuel for working above reason, that is, egoism. In order to do this, we begin working with a few married couples and conduct exercises and discussions.
It’s similar to how people come into a specific society, for example wanting to lose weight without having any clue about how to do it, but only having a big desire. In the same way, we gather 10-20 people into groups and influence each other. From that, each one feels the strength, the importance of the goal, and pressure.
`We are united by a common goal, to build good family relations. All couples look at your family and impart to you the force to stay above mutual egoism, in mutual love and bestowal. They are constantly feeding you with energy, importance; they supply you with the means to remain above the ego. The more couples in such a group, the better and stronger they are. Besides that, it’s important how connected they are with each other.
We have not yet come to the realization that our nature is the most important obstacle on the path towards the good life. If you still don’t understand what your egoism is, ask your wife and she’ll tell you about who you are. Likewise, you can tell her about all of her shortcomings.
However, the shortcomings that everyone wants to change in the other are actually their own egoism. We see the negative qualities in a partner as a reflection of our own egoism, just like in a mirror. Everything bad that I see on the opposite side belongs to me, beyond any doubt. Even if I am sure that such qualities are absolutely not characteristic of me, rather the opposite side has inherited them from their mother or grandmother, in actuality, all of them are my own flaws.
However, we understand that we have no choice and we must get rid of our criticism, to rise above it, above the entire negativity that we see in our partner. While at the same time she behaves in exactly the same way towards me, rising above her criticism, and we relate to each other as to complete perfection. My spouse is really ideal and my only wish is to make all her wishes come true, I am ready to do everything for her. And in exactly the same way, she wants to do everything for me.
If we have the necessary fuel, then we’ll realize all of that. And then we won’t be demanding proof of slavish devotion from each other day and night. On the contrary, we’ll see that by the virtue of our love, we demand almost nothing of each other. I am happy to do everything for my spouse by myself, and she for me. It turns out that we enjoy the smallest, simplest things, and from this get great mutual pleasure.
I won’t need to buy expensive gifts; just an internal feeling that fulfills us in such a way that we no longer need anything. We feel similar to how newlyweds feel, ready to live in a small flat in the most modest of conditions, only to be together. This is what “love covers all transgressions” means. There is no transgression or shortcoming, which cannot be filled with love.
From a Talk About New Life 7/12/12