Answer: Until the point when you finally give up and feel how good it actually is. Right now you take pride in yourself like a pompous rooster, so of course it doesn’t feel pleasant. But afterward, you’ll begin to value the Creator’s attitude and you’ll see that He is actually displaying humility. It is said that where you reveal the greatness of the Creator, there you will reveal His modesty.
There is nothing higher than modesty, even though egoism doesn’t agree. Modesty is a result of a reaction to Surrounding Light of the Creator, that is, the upper degree. It doesn’t appear at once, it is preceded by the realization of the fact that the upper One governs with love. For us, power means tyranny and oppression, while in spirituality it is the opposite: The upper One shows you the extent to which He bows before you. And you begin to value Him for that.
Question: In that case, who works with whom: He with me, or I with Him?
Answer: It is mutual work. It is said “I am the first.” In other words, the upper brings about all of your states; you always exist within the circumstances created by Him. So first of all, you need to remember that you live in a world that He formed. And afterward, you need to look at yourself from the side: “How am I reacting to this? Am I capable of doing something or am I completely weakened? Am I angry? Do I yield? How do I respond to my current state? Can I transition to a desired state? And what is it exactly?”
In the search for the means to make this transition, you discover that it’s only possible to change your state through the upper. This means that you’ll have to ask Him to do that.
As for the upper One, He has built a strict order, a chain of states through which He needs to lead you. If you agree with His plan, if you ask to go to the next state, then you reveal it as good and favorable. After all, you desire it and it fulfills you. However, if you do not ask for the next state, then it will manifest through bad qualities and foul sensations.
So the chain has been set, and everything depends on your preparation. By forcing the next state, you receive it as a gift, and conversely, by rejecting the new degree you sense it in the form of suffering, which nevertheless still teaches you something.
Question: That means that my request determines the sensations along the path?
Answer: Yes. You need to raise MAN, a request for correction.
Question: However, humility deprives me of the strength. It’s impossible to advance like this since development is built on a strong egoistic desire. What will be left of me after self-renunciation? Perhaps I’ll obtain a new mind, but essentially I, myself, will no longer exist.
Answer: Self-renunciation is realized through the power of the mind, by means of close acquaintance with the Creator, when I bow my head, that is, when I thoroughly work on my desire. Self-renunciation is a transition towards an action of bestowal. I begin precisely with self-renunciation, I accept a new order of work according to which I need to unite with those around me more, penetrate their desires, and form a new vessel. This requires a lot of diverse and interdependent actions since I am putting together mutually dependent parts.
So there’s no dead end here. The Creator simply wants you to be “a good, clever boy.” When you bow before the Creator, you are really bowing before the property of bestowal, elevating it above your egoism, and continuing to work with this property. So start attaching your ego to bestowal.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/29/2012, Baal HaSulam “600,000 Souls”