Question: No matter what I do, calculations of self-benefit will always be behind it. Thus, I’m opposite to the Creator. Does that mean I won’t be able to reveal Him?
Answer: No, now we’re going through the preparation period in a state of Lo Lishma (not for Her Name). Above us is the Machsom (the barrier separating us from spirituality). This is a very unique state. On one hand, on the way to the Machsom, you continuously aim to identify: What is bestowal? Is it good or bad? Who is the Creator? And on the other hand, you constantly think: “What’s in it for me?”
Clearly, the system suits all my present needs and states, it doesn’t require me to bluff. I truly am an egoist who wants to take advantage of the whole world for self-benefit, steal from everyone, lie to all, and so forth. If I haven’t yet revealed it, I’ll soon realize that everything is that way. I only need to build all those things correctly so that receiving and bestowing will be balanced in accordance with my present degree.
I’m willing to invest in a group in order to gain a positive future for myself, the spiritual world. I don’t shut my own mouth; rather, I conduct an examination. Indeed, we’re talking about permanent rules. Nature can’t be wrapped around my finger. We aren’t hiding anything from ourselves or from others; otherwise, our approach wouldn’t be serious or practical. We learn about the forces operating in nature upon ourselves, forces destined to lead us forward to the goal. We need to conduct that study without shame and without hiding anything.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/10/12, “The Peace”