If I wish for the Light to influence me from above, I need to create my own desire from below, which would suit the upper Light. In other words, this desire must be directed specifically at bestowal, like the Light that comes from the Giver.
But we do not know what the desire to bestow is, and we could be wrong a thousand times without ever finding the right answer. The group is given to us so we could find it. The group is in opposition to everyone; it allows us to work from “the contrary” because I must love them, think about them, and care for them, which absolutely does not correspond to my desire. This helps me see how opposite to and how much I fail to correspond to the quality of bestowal, the Creator.
I can learn everything through this work. The main thing is to make sure to not become confused, and to strive towards the Creator through the group and then it will become like the Creator to me, evoking the same repulsion, hatred, and lack of desire.
This is because I will perceive the group as the place of bestowal, but I do not wish to bestow: I want to receive from it. I like being with my friends, helping them, and hugging them because I enjoy it. But I cannot connect with them in order to please the Creator; this would spread and would become consumed somewhere inside the group, in a concealed higher source there without bringing me any compensation in return. But this is the only way to achieve the right desire, which will eventually evoke awakening from Above.
The Creator must be my final goal, not the group. Only then will I discover how incapable I am of uniting with Him, and I do not even need the group. After all, the Creator is some kind of a disappearing upper root, which does not benefit me in any way.
I still feel like the group is somewhat beneficial: We get together, have meals, organize conventions, and have a good time. Many people in the world would pay a lot of money to be in this kind of a group, like a nice club, to embellish their lives; it is impossible to find a warm and spiritual circle like this anywhere else.
But how do I turn this “club,” a “gathering of thieves,” (because everyone wants to use it for himself and steal for his egoism) into a “holy brotherhood” (Hevra Kadisha), which will raise me to the Creator by burying my egoism (Hevra Kadisha is also the name of the memorial service). And this is why I always need to imagine the Creator behind the group, only then will it become a mechanism that raises me because then I will think about bestowal.
And here a question arises of whether I want to connect to a group like this, and the right kind of work begins. Otherwise, the thief will continue to run in front of everyone else, screaming: “Catch the thief!” And you will not know that the thief is running right in front of you; you will continue to think that everything is fine, you are in a group and you are advancing.
But we can see very well during the times of descent that when anyone loses egoistic interest to be in the group, then he has no desire for it, he loses connection, and no longer wishes to participate in it. This is why it is very important to evaluate a person’s correct attitude towards the group, since this determines everything.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/9/12, Shamati #5