The aspiration to bestow to others forms in a person gradually, over the course of a long time, and it stands for the correction of desires if I am capable of restricting them because I see that life in egoism does not bring any joy. I attract a small illumination from Above through my study and efforts. And even though I don’t know what this Light is, it still corrects and changes me, gradually leading me towards the feeling of the value of bestowal.
I begin to feel that I strive outward, towards a fellow human being, towards a connection with all others, and perceive them as parts of my own soul. This is the result of the influence of the Surrounding Light. This change happens from within on its own due to my efforts, study, participation in dissemination, and connection with friends.
This is how I come to the decision that I refuse to continue being a receiver who takes more than is needed for living. I begin to hate egoistic reception. And my aspiration towards bestowal begins to develop from this point on, which also happens due to the Light.
What I do is to try, ask, pray, and demand, and in this way I force the Light to operate on me. And finally the Light makes a correction in me, after which I begin to feel an aspiration towards a fellow human being and true love—one that is not the object of my pleasure. This is because I have already built a barrier that does not allow me to enjoy egoistically, but only from actual bestowal.
The development of this kind of aspiration in man is called “the seven days of Sukkot,” when he begins to receive the illumination of the Surrounding Light that reforms. This Light forms the quality of Bina, faith above reason in man, a covering, a roof of a special structure built on Sukkot from the “waste of barn and winery,” meaning from the desires he previously neglected in his egoism considering them to be garbage. But on the contrary, in the desire to bestow he lifts them above his own head.
And finally, he comes to a state when he tests himself: whether all of his desires are directed towards bestowal. He checks his “shadow” for this: whether it is holy or impure. He hides himself from the Light, and by doing so he opens himself for the Light to later enter him and fill him with the intention for the sake of bestowal. Testing the shadow after the end of the holiday of Sukkot and the evaluation of whether it pertains to holiness or the impure forces, all these things are the establishment of one’s attitude towards his egoism and the transition into another dimension: that of bestowal.
I seal myself for my desire to receive pleasure, and I am only ready to receive for the sake of bestowal, thereby turning my reception into bestowal. I and He love each other, and this is why I receive from Him to please Him. But all of this happens after the test of my shadow and all the corrections that the holiday of Sukkot symbolizes.
From the 1st part of the Night Lesson Of Hoshanah Rabbah 10/19/2o11, Shamati #8