All sorts of desires are appearing within me now, and I feel that they aren’t mine, they appear from somewhere else. I ask myself: “Who am I?” “What am I?” “What am I for?” “Where does this come from within me?” “Do I need this or not?” “Actually, I don’t even want anything.”
Suddenly, I start thinking: “Why don’t I want anything?” Because all of this isn’t mine, there is some outside source that spins and manipulates me. On one hand, a person starts getting a faint subconscious feeling that all of this isn’t me, the world isn’t the same, it’s multi-layered, and there is someone else who is controlling and directing me. Where does this come from? Is this mine or not?
On the other hand, the desires arising in me do not give me realization; I don’t know what to do with them or what I can get with them. Inside me, there is a struggle to begin realizing them. I can’t see that they are mine, I can’t feel the way I used to feel, and I don’t feel that there is a goal in the realization of these desires, that I can actually get something from this.
Furthermore, outside of me a huge system is appearing that reveals the world in a new light. I start feeling myself existing in a confusing world. My desires aren’t mine, the world isn’t the same. What to do? This picture gradually emerging as if from the fog is so characteristic of our generation. In essence, it is what’s causing the crisis.
From the Sunday Virtual Lesson Series 9/25/2011