Question: Should the integral family courses be taught differently to men and women? After all, these are two different forces.

Answer: Here, there is no distinction. For the first time we are coming to equality in the world, when all are equal. In the system of integral upbringing, everyone studies on equal terms: a child, an adult, an elderly person, a husband and a wife, a man or a woman, married or single. The most important thing is to have someone opposite you with whom you can work.

In a family we have such a partner naturally, and thus we have to start this education from the family. It would be good if every family started feeling a great need for this. The problem is to convince people who aren’t capable of it, who don’t want it, aren’t interested, and who think that through this, someone invades their territory or interferes with their private relationships.

Therefore it is necessary to explain from the very beginning that this method doesn’t imply airing their “dirty laundry.” We don’t touch this at all and don’t try to find out what’s happening between them in their family. We don’t persuade them to make concessions to each other, don’t ask about the past, and in general, don’t consider anything that happened until this moment. We teach them how to rise above everything from this point onward and how to never go poking around in that dirty laundry again.

Question: This is interesting because in other, conventional psychological courses, I was told many times that it’s necessary to talk about our problems and to let off steam. And indeed, this brings relief and takes a load off one’s heart.

Answer: But this is only a temporary relief, for some time, like reconciliation after tears. We really don’t need to rummage through our crimes against each other. After all, it is written that “love covers all sins,” and the greater these sins, the higher and greater will the love be when we rise above them. It turns out that these sins are actually helping me build love. And if they aren’t there, love won’t be strong either.

Thus, the sins need to remain. But it doesn’t mean that I must constantly remember about them—they will reveal themselves on their own, don’t you worry about that. However, I don’t stifle them, don’t release tension, but accept everything as is. I have a full wagon laden with my partner’s transgressions, but I cover this entire mountain with my love and come closer to him or her. And then my love becomes enormous, growing above all this heavy load.
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From a TV Program “A New Life” 7/11/12

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First and foremost, an integral family is a family where the two understand that they have to be one unified whole. They have to rise above their natural differences.

All of us are absolutely different from each other, and we don’t even realize to what degree. When our egoism bursts into flame and we exist in the state of shock, fear, or irritation or in the state of happiness and euphoria, we experience the rise of such inclinations within us that we, possibly, did not even suspect existed.

It follows that we all have to come to some integral interaction despite of all our differences. What is it? In no way do we break a person or change him. We only help him interact with others like in a puzzle where the protuberance and concavity of different parts of the picture allow one to create a connection, a single picture between them. Certainly, here a person needs to have some basics in psychology, in the work with oneself and others, and to understand them and oneself. If we give all of that to the people, they will undoubtedly become different.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/8/12

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Question: What is an integral family or an integral relationship in a family?

Answer: When it comes to an integrated family, ideally, from the earliest years, literally from the cradle, it is necessary to prepare children to interact properly with each other. Parents need to understand that they must educate the child so that he will become an integral member of society, and then it will be good, easy, and secure. But first, you need to educate the parents in this spirit, and then this chain will continue since everyone is interconnected with each other, especially in a family.

I think that those people who didn’t receive an integral education, but have created a family and plan to have children, should begin to take at least a short course, which afterward will be supported regularly by weekly lessons and training via TV, via the computer. This should be mandatory.

After all, a woman during pregnancy inspects all kinds of advice. Therefore, if once a week she comes with her husband to an integral education course, it would be good for the family, also for the connection to her husband, and afterward for the education of the child as well.

If we introduce this education, then we will receive a completely different generation, both according to the quality and also according to the rest of the pyramid. The integral education of the child is latent in the family and afterward we need to naturally continue it in kindergarten, in school, and even in the workplace or schools where every person has the opportunity to take short integral courses, and afterward to simply be in some supportive structure.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/8/12

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An integral family is the system of bringing people closer to each other. This is not just an ordinary relationship of two people who do not have integral knowledge and who begin to interact at a natural, animal level that subsequently leads to their marriage.

Indeed, in that case, they do not understand why they want to be together. It is possible that, if they had learned more about each other, they would have understood that, in principle, they do not match each other.

It is not for nothing that fortune telling is so popular nowadays. We do not really know how to approach each other. People are turning to psychologists, to healers, and to all sorts of techniques. In the old days, grannies and nannies explained all that quietly, and that was enough.

Today, with our developed ego, in our spoiled society, we certainly need support and training so that we can learn how to interact with each other correctly, and, in general, to understand whether we can become partners. The institution of marriage is now crashing and going deep “underwater,” dissolving so that only memories of it remain; it is a consequence of that fact that we are running integral education and upbringing in the family circle.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Apparently, it is only natural that people today cannot get along. Nature has prepared an opportunity for us to coexist and live together, provided that we understand from the beginning that we enter into family life in order to rise above our nature, and that is what will help us succeed in everything and prepare us to enter into the world revealed before us now.

The family, married life, will become the school that prepares us for life. As a little child, brought up and taught in kindergarten, in the family, and at school is prepared to live in a large, adult world, so today, at home, in the family and marital relationships, we prepare ourselves to enter a new life.

There is no other framework that would be so natural and adapted to this purpose. If you explained this to all of humanity—which is in a ruined, torn state and sees so little happiness and joy in the family—then everyone would see the benefits of family life, and this would encourage people to marry.

After all, today, no matter whom you talk to, you would hear that people initially do not want to start a family, or they have tried to create it, became disappointed, and are on the verge of divorce. That is why we must explain to a person that, in such a way, through correcting the life in his family, he will achieve life in the corrected world, and without this, there is no way to reach a good life.

It is no accident that, in all ancient cultures and societies throughout the millennial history of humankind, the family has occupied such a huge and lasting place. Only in recent years has family life suddenly become destroyed. This is one of the signs that we have reached a condition that is obliging us to correct it ourselves.

We have never corrected the human being. We corrected our environment, society, and nature, building all kinds of support systems and developing technology, but today, we have evolved so much that we need not continue to improve it. This will not help us and will change nothing. Now, it has come to people themselves, and thus, today the family is collapsing.

In the old days, in many cases, unmarried people often were not accepted in responsible positions, including the studies of Kabbalah, but only those who lived a corrected family life because then they had to correct themselves constantly in this small internal laboratory and from this, the requirement stemmed.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/11/12

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I have come to love all that is in my partner like a mother who loves her child without calculations, devotedly loving him no matter what he does. For her, he is the most beautiful, the most successful, the best of all; she covers with love all his shortcomings, all his flaws.

First of all, I need to learn to look at my spouse with these eyes, and then I will see his or her beauty, and not a reflection of my egoism. After all, I usually see negative qualities in my spouse that in reality do not belong to him, but are caused by my attitude towards him. That egoism that I project on my companion paints these negative images for me.

I am learning to be objective, independent of my ego. If I cover all the transgressions by love, then due to this, I will get out of myself, outside the limits of my selfish interests, my body, and begin to rise above my egoism. And then I see a new reality, which is not bad at all.

Love has covered all transgressions, and they are gone! But it is not because I closed my eyes to them like a mother who loves her child with blind, instinctive love. The fact that I neutralized my ego allowed me to see the good world. Indeed, the force of the good is beyond me, and the evil force is inside me.

It turns out that reality is divided into two parts. One part is inside me, where the natural, evil, egoistic inclination lives from birth. And outside myself, I see a world full of goodness. Thus, I find myself in a wonderful laboratory. And to the extent that I will try to rise higher and cancel myself relative to my spouse, my ego will be able to show me new inner phenomena revealed in me.

I will see various flaws in my spouse, shortcomings that will give me the opportunity once again to cover all these transgressions with love. So, I will correct myself with greater efforts, and the world will be presented to me more benevolently and corrected.

This will continue until my entire egoism is revealed to me through these inner motives. After tens, hundreds, or even thousands of such cases, when anger and the desire to accuse my partner wakes up in me, it will turn out that I have corrected this entire attitude. As a result, I have also developed the technique for relating to everything that is beyond me.

Once I have made such a correction with respect to my spouse, I see that there is nothing special to add in relation to others. After all, I worked not on other people, all of whom differ from each other, but on my own egoism!

In fact, I worked on myself. And all that I saw before me served as a mirror, reflecting my egoism and allowing me to recognize it. After all, I do not see anything in myself, but only in the mirror. It turns out that such a natural situation as the family is designed for us by nature and enables us to achieve correction.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/11/12

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The closest connection that exists in each of our lives is the connection within the family, between the husband and wife. But it doesn’t matter how much we might want, it is impossible to give any miraculous prescriptions or instantly applicable advice of what to do in order to settle relations in the family.

Once in the past, it was possible, but today it doesn’t work anymore. Today, what is needed is that a person, first of all, corrects his general relation to life, to himself, and the people around him, his relation to the world he lives in. Only after the course of integral education, after the development of consciousness and the grasping of the new world inside him, to the “new person” that develops in him, will it be easy to build new systems of good relationships. In this way, he will transform his life to happiness and be rid of all the problems he is surrounded with today.

One must build educational systems that will mold the person. And then, to the extent that the person changes, he will begin to build proper and corrected relations with others, including the marital relationship. For this reason, this subject doesn’t only belong to married couples, but also to single people. They also feel that they aren’t settled, that they don’t fit in within the family framework.

First of all, we must understand that divorce doesn’t solve any problems and it is worthwhile for us to build a completely new system of relations. It isn’t possible to continue as usual and to hope that everything will work out differently in the new family. You can be sure that there will be the same problems.

It is exactly for this reason that people today don’t want to get married, since already in advance they assume that their attempt won’t be successful. It looks like a natural phenomenon. Why would a person resign himself to trouble he sees in advance? We see how many problems an unsuccessful marriage can bring, ending in divorce, and how much the ruined relationships of people who are close to us costs in terms of money, health, time, and nerves.

Thus a person abstains in advance from building a family. We see this tendency everywhere. In all countries, there is a similar picture. Thus, before one builds a new person, it is impossible to talk about building a system of relations for couples.

Once it was possible to repair them with the help of talks with a psychologist, with certain affirmations. Man’s ego still wasn’t as big as it is today when he doesn’t agree to any compromises. And man isn’t to blame, he simply is not able to agree.

We have developed to a situation where a person wants to stay a child all his life or to be completely free and allowed to do anything. He doesn’t want to commit or limit himself to anything. He expects his wife to be like a mother and to excuse him for everything and not to demand anything from him, but to flood him in an ocean of love, no matter how he behaves.

Usually, this relationship is typical of men. However, also women have changed their relation to marriage and even if there are children, they aren’t afraid to change husbands or to become and remain single.

It’s a wonder, but today a woman with a child is able to build a new family quickly and receive much more than a woman without children. Men don’t see someone else’s child as an obstacle to marriage. Surprising they don’t rush to and aren’t interested in having children of their own, but they are ready to marry a woman with a child. He doesn’t see any obstacle in this. This phenomenon is certainly prominent in our times.

In years past, on the contrary, a woman with a child, after a divorce, found it very hard to remarry. It was only seldom that someone would agree to take a woman with a child. Each one wanted to have children of his own. This means that there are a number of phenomena that are characteristic of our time that we need to take into account.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Question: The integral education courses for couples give me hope that by going through this process and building a new man within me, I will correct not only the relationships within my family, but also all the connections in the system and achieve success in every way. After all, the system of family ties will become the school through which I will be developing. Are there any differences in how this process takes place in a man and a woman?

Answer: It turns out that we should keep the family together because through it we can achieve success in life. We not only correct the relations within the family, but also obtain an additional benefit, as if this whole process has a higher purpose.

It’s not the problem of a married couple, but the global problem of corrupted connection between all of us, and we’ll have to solve it in some way. The relationships in the family may become the laboratory within which we can learn how to improve our relations with the world to succeed in everything.

There are some differences between how this process takes place in a man or a woman, but they are so internal that we can’t understand them now, everyone from his or her side, looking at the other. If we begin to delve into the psychology of the other and try to figure out what is going on inside another person, it will only confuse us. We don’t know what is really happening there.

We just need to acquire the correct approach that will allow us to build relationships with each other according to the principle: “Love covers all transgressions.” And this doesn’t mean that we want to hide the wrongdoings committed in relation to each other: our hatred, pride, ambition, carelessness, and disregard. We don’t hide anything.

But if I want to change something and build, I shouldn’t sink into mutual fights and blame of how much each of us is an egoist, meaning how bad he is and doesn’t notice his evil, but sees it in his partner. In fact, he doesn’t see another’s vices, but rather his own egoism, transferring it to his partner and recognizing his reflection in it.

Instead of distinguishing faults in myself, I see them in my spouse as if in a mirror. I don’t notice this in myself. It turns out that we need to develop a good, positive attitude, love, flexibility, attention, and a mature elevated approach in relation to the other. We need to agree in advance that it will be above all that we see with our egoistic eyesight.

“Love will cover all transgressions,” that is, I cover all the evils that I see with it. As a result of mutual exercises and workshops, I start to develop new good qualities in myself that before were dormant within me: sensitivity, agreement, consent, and ability to compromise.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Question: There is a method of treatment in which two expert psychologists, a man and a woman, work with a married couple, and thus mutual cooperation is created between the two couples. How does this look to you? Would it be worthwhile to begin the work in integral education specifically in small groups like this?

Answer: No. I think that first of all, we need to separate them, but not in different groups. We need to attain a situation in which each one of us is a separate egoist and now we rise to a community, where there are no married couples, nothing. There is only our mutual “me” with 10-15 participants. It doesn’t matter how many.

And afterward, in the way that we connected together and understood that this is the reason we rise, and for this we exist, and now let’s see how is it possible to make a group like this in the family and to always be included in it?

This is to say, it seems that the family exists not in order to mutually support obtaining food, in reproduction, in supporting the family home, which is all at a basic level, but in order to support each other in spiritual ascent in spite of all our contradictions. We have enough of them, and we are thankful that they constantly appear, since thanks to them, we are able to realize the spiritual growth.

But this will happen when we are rid of all our present problems. When we are able to find our mutual integration, we will understand that in fact our family is in a wonderful state. This means that we were given opportunities for very fast and endless advancement. Let’s now just continue in each family what we did in the group.

Question: In order to perform this work, do we, in any case, group these people together or not?

Answer: When we collect a few married couples in a group, then first of all, we conduct a preliminary conversation with them, which should give them psychological guidance so that they will stop feeling that they are couples. One needs to “dismantle” their relationship, and raise them above themselves and create community, a group.

After a group has been created and all the material absorbed, everyone understands that only in this way is it possible to solve problems. Since a wife and husband, is also a group. So, try now to go down to your corporeal level and begin to raise your problem or simply not to awaken it. And try from this moment to solve each problem and even the smallest as a means of strengthening your bond, above you.

In this way, you send them on a liberating voyage, in that you give them the feeling of unity and a system of rising above all the problems.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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There isn’t a big difference between preparing a person for creating a correct marital relationship and improving relationships with the rest in general. It is only necessary to take into account that the correct system of relationships in the family is a wonderful opportunity to rise to the level of a new corrected world. We all will have to do this to succeed in everything else: in business, finance, respect, power, science, and to be able to see the world and establish connections in it, to succeed in small transactions and international trade.

The family is the smallest and is closest to a person, and it is a permanently functioning lab in which he can work, each time changing himself and observing what kind of world opens to him at that time. After all, by trying to change his relationship with his spouse, he immediately will change the conditions, like in a physical or chemical experiment, and see the results accordingly. Then, he changes the conditions and gets a new result.

This is a scientific experiment, and our relationships with each other are the parameters. The entire world was constructed originally in this form when it comes to evolution, progress, and the final form that we must achieve whether we want it or not.

Nature has a program and a final goal. And apparently, that’s why there is the division of a small family, that is, a married couple and a wider family that includes their fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers from both sides, and all the other relatives. Then, an even wider circle follows, consisting of all our friends, and then the area where we live, the city, country, nation, and then the continent.

The entire world is divided into these concentric circles, like spreading waves, and they all come out and spread from the center, which is a couple. That is why, if we construct marital relationships correctly, we will be able to build all the other kinds of relationships. This will help us greatly in life.

If I know how to change myself and establish various new forms of relationship with my wife, and she reacts accordingly as my immediate environment, then I will learn how to work with the rest of the environment, at work and in all other places, to earn a good reciprocal relationship. This will ensure a person’s success in all the spheres where he functions.

In essence, this is the most important thing in life as it determines whether a person has money, honor, power, and overall success in life and health. It determines everything from the closest to the broadest social relationships in society, as well as in international relations between countries.

If we become new people who know how to control themselves correctly and attract a good attitude from others accordingly, we will not look so foolish, like children fighting in a sandbox. After all, countries and entire continents appear like this today. Then, a completely different picture will be revealed to us.

Thus, in fact, everything depends on how a person can change himself, and the most convenient and favorable change is possible if we take care of the family. If the spouses participating in the course of integral education will begin to work on their relationships and do the exercises, then they will solve any problems.

It is clear that we cannot eliminate all the problems in the world, considering the number of couples with whom we can work, because half the world is divorced or single people. However, married couples make up a sufficiently large number and have a huge impact on everyone else.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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