Question: Some psychologists believe that there are five main neuroses of the 21st century. They classify this as the epidemic of narcissism, in which the pronoun “I” is used more often than “we.” Personal success is placed above caring for others. Is this neurosis?
Answer: This is self-love. It exists in every person.
How does a person love himself? I look at the other and I don’t like it. I look at myself; I have the absolute same thing! But mine is better than his. Why? Because it’s mine. That’s all. There’s nothing else. As in the joke, “But mine is still better.”
Question: Psychologists consider this a neurosis. Should something be done about it or should the “I” be transformed into “we”?
Answer: Kabbalah does not advise doing it the way it is done by psychologists, neurologists, and so on. Kabbalah says this should be explained to us as a process of becoming a mature person.
This process is not about suppressing my “I,” this function, and so on, which will all still come out. It will come out somewhere else! It is like a tumor or something. You don’t want it to grow and it will come out in another place and get even worse. Therefore, this is not the way to handle it.
In no way should you force anyone! Gently teach a person to see his emphasized “I” not as a positive quality but as something negative and the person will gradually heal himself.
The most important thing is not to put pressure on him. He is already self-conscious and it is all so stressful. By pushing him more, you can break him.
In such cases, what should be done? If you are great, you are big, you are strong, and you are smart, go into sports. Apply it in such a way in society where you can stand out and have it accepted properly. Such is sport. There, they will put you in your place. Especially if it is a group sport, it is very good.
Question: Another neuroses is called “Fear of Missing Out.” This is about: “I could have been somewhere else, become someone else, lived better, succeeded more…” What to do about it?
Answer: Don’t start!
Question: But it’s gnawing. I know it myself. It’s like a worm sitting there and gnawing at you: “What have you done?! When you could have…!” and so on. How can a person fight it or work with it?
Answer: I believe that, firstly, everything has its own fate. Therefore, everything that is, everything that was, and will be, let it all come.
Question: Can I do anything about it?
Answer: You should not! A person should live in a state where he can be told at any moment: “Lie down and die.” Thus, I lie down and die. So what?
Question: If only it were possible to let go of yourself like this. Can I actually let go like this?
My Response: Absolutely!
Question: Is this how it should be? To never look back?
Answer: Do not control your life or the world and, in general, nothing and no one. Just go along with it. If they stop you, they stop you.
Question: Then it ceases to be neuroses? I instantly calm down.
Answer: Sure. I have lived and I have done something; I hope I have done something good in life and I’m thankful for that.
Question: Psychologists say: Fear of Better Options neurosis or “the problem of the ideal choice” is when you stand in front of three roads and each one seems to lead you to the ideal place, to your dream and the person is bound by thoughts: “How can I make a choice? What to choose?” How to choose where to go?
Answer: I don’t think it’s a choice at all in this case.
Question: A choice between three options. You think, “somehow one is better than the other or this is even better.” Then you are driven by thoughts that: “No, this is better and this…” and so you stand and agonize. How should one act in such cases? Cast lots?
Answer: In general, yes. And the Torah says so—”Pur” – “lot.”
Question: If you had to make a choice, what would be the main thing you would establish in order to choose?
Answer: To break away from myself and only then make the right choice. Only then will this choice be correct.
Question: So I have to stand before making this choice and try to break away from myself? Before these three paths. So that my “I” is not in control?
Answer: Of course.
Question: How is this done?
Answer: Break away.
Question: So you don’t want to listen to your inner voice here?
Answer: No. You can’t rely on anything here.
Question: What about examples? Let’s say others tell you: “Look, I went there. I am already a scientist, a PhD. I’m already a Nobel laureate. Follow this path.” While the other says: “But I’m already a businessman.” There’s a lot of noise all around you. Should you not listen to this environment?
Answer: Actually, it is better not to choose anything. As they say, you should rely on God’s will. Don’t do anything and just sit and wait. As it says: “Better sit and do nothing,” and then God will send it your way.
Question: Can I rely on Him?
Answer: No, you have to work and do everything you can. Although such fundamental fateful decisions are always difficult to make.
I used to be frequently asked for advice on the choice of profession, university, or something else, and I usually would not give advice. A person must figure out where his soul or hand is leading him.
Question: I still want to follow in your footsteps and learn more about you personally. How do you make a choice? How do you decide?
Answer: I always decide for the maximum benefit of society because I know for sure this is what the Creator wants.
I do not know if I am right or wrong. Usually we do not know whether we are right or wrong.
Question: Perhaps we are more often wrong?
Answer: It doesn’t matter. You never know what the alternative would be. Thus, I try to think: where does the greatest benefit for the Creator lie? What the Creator would like me to do. And this, as a rule, is what’s best for the society, for the people.
Question: Next is the need to adapt. A very common situation nowadays is when a person barely finishes studying for a profession and it is getting replaced by computers or artificial intelligence. He was studying this and he invested five years! Now he doesn’t know what to do.
What should one do in such cases? Today this happens all the time. Unnecessary professions! While colleges and universities go on. You are being taught, but when you graduate, no one needs this profession anymore.
Answer: A person should still understand that the baggage he has accumulated is not in vain. Society still needs educated people. Although they might not be able to apply themselves in the specialty they dreamt of working or advancing, these people with higher education, these serious people, are still of value. It means a lot.
Question: You mean, even if you have studied something random that will never come in handy, for example, like higher mathematics?
Answer: It doesn’t matter. He was still learning something and absorbing information. He also took exams and took part in educational processes. He possesses different information and has a different filling in his brain and heart.
Question: So you want to say there are no wrong professions?
Answer: Any profession shapes a person and makes him a proper part of society after all.
Question: And is it possible to re-make yourself later into something different?
Answer: Of course, he is already used to learning, hearing, listening, reading, and writing. He has developed a need for it. The hand reaches for pen and paper. It’s not like the tramps who sit in a pub not knowing what to do with themselves and only strum the guitar.
Question: So it turns out that it is not all neuroses?
Answer: These are not all neuroses. All of this needs serious revision, understanding by society, and adaptation.
Question: That is, if I direct myself toward society and not to myself, then all this ceases to be a neurosis?
Answer: Yes. You instantly eliminate a lot of societal problems, diseases, and so on.
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From KabTV’s “News With Dr. Michael Laitman” 4/14/22
Related Material:
Six Rules For Getting Out Of Neurosis
Nine Important Rules In Life
Mutual Care
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