Question: Is everything we do during the preparation period aimed at becoming disillusioned with our abilities?

Answer: Of course! The first phase is necessary to confirm that my entire being is singularly egoistic in all my thoughts, actions, and desires.

This egoism disconnects me from the Creator; that is the main point. I am not just an egoist, no. The egoism disconnects me from the Creator so much that I start to get angry at myself, at others, and at Him, and wonder why this is happening. I am in a struggle between Him and me and don’t know whether to justify Him or not for what is happening to me.

The most unpleasant, terrible things, happen to me with such inner scrutiny and analysis that an ordinary person does not face. To show me the lowliness of egoism, I am given situations in which I am terribly embarrassed in front of society and very afraid of “exposing” my bad thoughts and desires so as not to be judged or marginalized.

Such sensations are deliberately sent from above to shake a person so he would rise above his states, will not treat them carelessly, and would realize they are all products of his egoism. That is, in order to be in the property of bestowal, you need to think not about yourself, but you must be above yourself, not to avoid shame, but to truly reveal that the property of bestowal is worth paying anything for.

Thus, there are such internal scrutinies that you cannot describe. I believe that, in the future, there will be works of art that describe what Kabbalists discuss in their articles, but in a more artistic, psychologically detailed form.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Over the Machsom” 9/12/10

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Preparation Period: A Voucher To The Spiritual Life
Who Are We Raising: “Masters” Or Workers?
The Condition for Transition

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