Question: According to Kabbalah, earthly love is love of oneself. Does this mean that at its foundation there is always some calculation?

Answer: Absolutely. Today, as life expectancy has increased and egoism renews itself very quickly, it is natural that during one lifetime a person lives through several “lives.” If I am over seventy now, I have probably already lived through the equivalent of three past lifetimes. And yet I still live with the same family. We are bound by children, home, responsibilities, etc. But this is not what Kabbalah calls love.

Love in Kabbalah is a state that one attains as a direct, closest internal spiritual connection between oneself and others. Here it is not about hormonal attraction, or even about the relationship between man and woman, but about an attitude toward another soul, which you feel as a kindred spirit when you complement each other. You understand how to reach a state where you merge together into one soul. Then it becomes clear that this is truly necessary.

This can be attained between men, between women, and between men and women regardless of gender or age. It depends only on the awareness that in a certain inner, spiritual connection one can reach a state where, on the very contradictions between them, and at the same time on the connections between those contradictions, they build what is called a “soul.”

Then in this united desire that is composed of opposing states of distrust, rejection, mutual disregard, and even hatred at various levels (conscious or unconscious), a connection is formed. I must be connected to this person internally, above our contradictions, which we do not hide, because only through connection can we reveal the next, higher level of our existence. The Creator is revealed between us.

How does He reveal Himself? On the rejection (the hatred) between us, and simultaneously on the mutual connection (the love). For there is no hatred without love and no love without hatred. Even when I hate a person and am ready to do anything against him, this manifests precisely because within is the seed of our future love. That is why I can hate so strongly.

Then, despite the hatred that openly reveals itself between us, I consciously build states of reciprocity and love. At the same time the hatred does not disappear; it helps me in all its variations, in all its inner expressions. It helps me create such mutual connection where I hold both rejection and attraction in my hands, and I use them as resistance and the overcoming of resistance. In this way, I reach love, which is always built only above rejection and above hatred.

I must sense both states simultaneously. Then I truly stand firmly on both legs, on the right and the left. In Kabbalah this is called “being in two lines,” right and left. One cannot exist without the other.

In this state, I can govern myself, relate reasonably to my partner, understand all of our rejections and attractions, and use them only in order to reveal the Creator between us.

Thus, love is not for the sake of love itself, not for hormonal satisfaction or comfort, but in order to reveal the Creator and to love Him.

This brings us to a very interesting state, as it is said: “Husband, wife, and the Creator between them.” Only in such a state can one achieve true love, when this trinity exists together and you work toward attaining the Creator through the connection between you and your partner, whether woman or man, it does not matter. This is not earthly love. That is how Kabbalah interprets love.

As for earthly love, it can also exist, especially nowadays, when the truth of our purely utilitarian relationships is revealed. We satisfied each other and then split. And if there is shared property or children, it becomes difficult to separate, so we begin to think of ways to control one another. Otherwise it is impossible. These are all incorrect states.

Love in our world, if built correctly, must necessarily include a spiritual component, otherwise it cannot last long.

Comment: When I talk about this to people, many disagree, and say that love does exist in the way they are used to understanding it. But they have no other concept of love. Where would it come from?

My Response: We by no means deny anything else. Let people engage in love for whatever and however they wish. There are many manifestations of love. Material love is purely egoistic because a person enjoys it and derives pleasure from it. From the perspective of Kabbalah, this is not love, but egoistic fulfillment, love of oneself.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson, 8/6/2017

Related Material:
What Does Kabbalah Say About Love On Earth?
Earthly Love Is Worthless From The Start
There Are No Two Loves That Are Alike

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