Question: A person is not able to look into himself, it is against his nature, he does not see his flaws.

Self-knowledge is not always pleasant. Suppose I have always considered myself a good person, well-mannered, intelligent, well-behaved toward others. Suddenly, when I begin to study Kabbalah, the exact opposite is revealed to me.

What is this force that allows a person to advance even though he sees more and more flaws in himself?

Answer: It is pressure from within, which is called a point in the heart in Kabbalah.

A person receives a desire to reveal the meaning of life that he cannot stop; if I do not reveal the essence of existence, then life has no worth to me, it has no meaning. I cannot exist senselessly.

That is, I achieve development when I must solve this issue for myself. I cannot put it all aside and go on living. I have no other fillings, pleasures, or needs. I agree to exist, but only against my will. It is better to fall asleep altogether and not wake up.

This is how big my desire to attain the meaning of life is. Precisely this desire is a human one, it is the human inside me.

Everything else—following fashion, following the neighbor so as not to be worse than him, acquiring a profession, giving birth to children—is all necessary, but it does not fill me.

I do not judge other people for their need to enjoy, for filling themselves with something else, but I cannot do it. If I have such an urgent demand, it is precisely this demand that is called human. There is nothing to do about it. It gives me tremendous strength.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up—Centaurs” 1/15/10

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