Question: Why do I feel such terrible heaviness during the lesson and a desire to sleep? I don’t usually feel that way. Is there a connection between my descent and the coming convention?
Answer: Very strong Lights are revealed, are ready, and are about to enter you. You, however, feel them as darkness because you are not ready for them. So you have a feeling of heaviness and you fall asleep and may sleep during the lessons until the convention is over. This is how the response of the defensive force of your ego is revealed. Your angel of death wants to kill you.
I, on the contrary, am actually very impressed by our work and by what we are doing with regard to integral education and the fact that the upper Providence enables us to do so and is even guiding and pushing us. Of course we feel constant difficulty and heaviness, but at the same time I understand and feel how the efforts that I make help me advance efficiently.
We have to check and clarify the source of the sleepiness that you feel and the reason for it. It happens because you don’t feel the importance of the work and this is shown to you from above. Why don’t you feel the importance of the work? Because you have been shown a bit more of your egoistic desire now, and of course you don’t find dissemination important in any way, neither in your own country, in Bulgaria, or anywhere else.
A person’s state is not a matter of chance in any way. Nothing happens without a reason. Only small children say that the glass broke because it fell and broke by itself. They simply don’t connect the two events. You are doing the same thing, thinking that you fell by yourself, but there is no such thing since there is none else besides Him. The Creator makes us feel this general fogginess now so that we will rise to a higher level. A person who participates and is incorporated in this work will rise, and those who are not won’t rise but instead will sleep until the end of the convention and as usual miss everything.
From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/30/13, The Zohar