Question: There are two types of traditional family. The first type is the so-called polite, nice family where it is customary to restrain yourself, your feelings, emotions, and thoughts. In order to maintain peace in the family, a person does not express everything he thinks. The other type is a family where people express their emotions, feelings, and things they are not happy about. The woman constantly points out the man’s faults; she pecks at him and nags all the time.
What is the right way to act? Should people restrain themselves or not, express themselves or direct the couple’s energy up toward integrality?
Answer: I think that these questions must be solved in a group. A group of integral upbringing that takes care of a person’s participation in social communities must also examine these matters. In a group like this, people have daily opportunities to correct their attitudes and relationships with one another.
I think that the answer is very simple. People should allow themselves to be more honest and to open up to the extent of their advancement in integral upbringing, and they will continue to open up as they continue to mutually complete one another. When I feel that my partner does not complete me, he does not understand me yet and I do not understand him. I do not know how to open up. I do not know how to act in these situations.
We remain somewhat neutral, but as soon as we are able to introduce into our mutual contact any of our inner resources—such as desires, needs, thoughts, and habits—we do it. It is necessary to make a person feel that integral interaction is most important.
As soon as it becomes a possibility on any level, you immediately include your desires, thoughts, needs, weaknesses, and anything in him. The main thing is to give him the objective to unite, and that is it. Then, a person becomes his own psychologist.
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 5/3/12