Question: I came to the Convention with an enormous desire to break my egoistic shell. I keep having thoughts that I am able to do something right now, yet I am not doing it. I am afraid that this Convention will go by, but nothing will change in me; only impressions will remain. What do I need to do right now, right this minute, right this second, at this precise moment?
Answer: First of all, all of us ask ourselves this question. Right now you are connected with everyone, you have the same aspiration, anticipation, and this is what will remain from your entire life. Nobody knows how your life will be spent, but this moment is inscribed on your “spiritual account” for good.
It is written that when a human soul lands in the divine court, two questions are asked of it: “Did you study the Torah (did you want to attract the Light that Reforms?)” and “Did you await salvation (to rise above your ego and ascend to your second nature)?” This is exactly what we are trying to realize here. And it is good if every one of us feels that there is something that he must do, but he is incapable of doing it.
This is very unpleasant and reminiscent of birthing contractions because we want to birth our next state, but we are unable to do it. But a new degree is born within us from Above precisely thanks to these efforts.
So what should we do? Open our hearts a little bit more, connect with others a little more, feel that the Creator must be revealed between us and manifest in us slightly stronger, thereby bringing us closer together and lifting us to the second nature.
This is exactly what the Kabbalists write about. Today we are in a state when all Kabbalah material has been revealed to us, everything has been explained dozens of times. We need to do a little more, but not in studying or circulation, but specifically in unity like the one we have now, at this Convention.
Try to feel everyone in your heart, and let the Creator do this job! Pull Him where you feel that you are incapable of doing it! The Creator tells Moses: “Come to Pharaoh!” same way we take a small child by his hand. This is because Moses in us, the point in the heart, is afraid of Pharaoh. Naturally!
We are incapable of doing anything against this monster, our ego. I feel that I want to conquer it, but I am unable to. But a moment after I do not want to conquer it at all for he rules over me. And this goes on over and over.
This tiny spark that remains in me from the previous spiritual state is unable to do anything. I must grab on to the Creator with the help of this spark, and then I will be able to resist my ego. Our ego is such a monster that we are unable to do anything against it.
I just hold on to the Creator’s hand and want to be with Him like a child who pulls the adult by his hand and asks him to get him what he wants. This is how we should advance: “I want to connect with others! I want to achieve our unity! I want to achieve the desire where the Creator will be revealed!”
I grab on to the Creator through this tiny spark, but it is merely a spark, while I must catch Him entirely, unite with Him. And then suddenly the ego, Pharaoh, begins to gradually vanish and disappears… Yet I stay with the Creator united with other points in my friends’ hearts, and this is how the spiritual degree becomes revealed.
From Lesson 4, World Kabbalah Convention 2010, 11/10/10
Transforming Through Spiritual States