A question I received: How can we strive for bestowal if we don’t perceive spirituality and don’t have a clear vision of the goal, spiritual objects, and forms? How can I aim myself at them and take a step in their direction without doing it wrong?
My Answer: That would be correct if speaking of externality, but spirituality is called the inner world. It requires internal evolution because it occurs solely based on our inner changes.
When I choose the environment by which to be influenced, I thereby determine what my next desires and inner transformations will be. My constant examination of progress is based on what advances me. Is it based on whether or not I have received egoistical fulfillment or satisfaction from something I did, a feeling of pride for my actions, receiving someone’s praise, gaining greater understanding, or attaining better perception? Or, am I progressing in spite of the emptiness in all of my egoistic desires? Am I willing to keep going without fulfillment, but by being fueled by another force?
What is this other force? I don’t know. I demand to be granted it. It is the force of bestowal and love. This force can’t be gained from the group; the group can only instill in me the importance of receiving it. The force itself has to come from the Creator.
I suddenly start sensing a whole laboratory within me and I don’t require any external images. I begin to see that the gradation of qualities and the examination thereof occur within me. What happens outside of me has no importance. I see the spiritual goal – to keep working fueled solely by love and bestowal – within myself as well. I wish my desires to be filled with the Reflected Light, not by the direct fulfillment. I want the sensation of bestowal, not the sensation of fulfillment by the Light.
Thus, I shun my doubts such as where is the external goal and how do I reach it. I now sense that it is within me. I examine and evaluate it by analyzing what fills my spiritual vessel and the source of its life energy and what it expects: satiated fulfillment or the fuel for bestowal. Then, I don’t feel that I am lacking some vision and external signs on the spiritual path, it is all within me.
When a person gradually transfers his attention from the external parameters to the internal ones, this transformation is the measuring device as to how close he came to the Machsom, the barrier that separates the corporeal world from the spiritual worlds or degrees.
That is when a person starts, with the help of the Creator, to control himself from the outside, through the group, in such way that he can work not for the sake of advancing according to his own egoistical criteria, but above reason. A person begins to operate on some foreign type of energy that he didn’t possess before. His body, the vehicle, starts moving on its own like an “eternal engine.” It is an indication that he has begun to receive the energy of bestowal that serves as his fuel.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/28/10, Article, “Sometimes You Call Spirituality By the Name Soul (Neshama)”