A question I received: Sometimes you can’t hear the lesson! That is, you’re listening to it, but you don’t hear it! Sometimes you sleep through it… And sometimes it seems that you understand every word, and it’s simply a revelation!
What determines one’s sensations at the lesson? Is it the lesson itself, the people who are present at the lesson, the person, the material being studied, or something else?
What can I do to hear the lesson like I did the first time, when I couldn’t hold back the tears?
My Answer: I understand you. This happens to everyone. It’s because the Creator only gives a person the initial desire for the spiritual goal: He awakens one’s point in the heart. And He brings a person to the source (a book, a teacher, a group, the Internet), and no more than this. And it’s up to a person to continue developing this desire he received from above, to develop it to the size of the World of Infinity.
This is impossible to do unless you study Kabbalah in the correct environment. (See item 155 of Baal HaSulam’s “Introduction to Talmud Eser Sefirot,” and also his article “The Freedom.”) Otherwise you will spend many years eating yourself up.
In addition, it’s very important to prepare for the lesson. The preparation begins before going to sleep. You should fall asleep with a Kabbalistic book in your hand. Wake up half an hour before the lesson and attune yourself to the lesson. If you don’t attune yourself, the lesson will be ineffective.
You should go through this period more energetically: from the point to the Machsom. Good luck!