Question: It is written in the sources that the upper light dwells in a place of joy. But our actions to unite are always in overcoming the ego and the rejection between each other, which are not in joy. It is always an effort, it is always hard. How can we connect these two things?

Answer: This should be done gradually in mutual support of each other. If you understand what needs to be done, then you should talk to each other how you achieve this, with what efforts, and so on.

And you will see that it is not so difficult. If you already have some kind of mutual understanding of what is happening between you, then you will overcome everything.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/21/23, Writings of Baal HaSulam “What Is the Measure of Faith in the Rav?“

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