Question: When a person performs actions for the sake of the Creator without any taste in his work, that is, his egoism does not receive a reward, then he begins to doubt what he is doing. This is called “Hirhurim” (doubts) from the word “Har,”(mountain).
He comes to this mountain of doubt: “Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? Why do I need this?” And he begins to hate this state, this quality, the Creator. Is this what is called “approaching Mount Sinai”?
Answer: Yes. All the contradictions that are revealed due to the natural egoistic nature of a person do not allow him to go further in the direction of bestowal, love, and connection. Then he begins to hate these qualities, his egoistic nature, and to fight with himself.
Question: Does it then turn out into a nightmare state when a person does an action against his nature for years and does not receive any reward for it?
Answer: His reward is that he is able to perform actions exactly against his nature. The work itself becomes a reward for him.
From KabTV’s “Spiritual States” 4/9/21