Question: What reward do I get for my efforts? After all, we don’t see the way ahead, and the past is already gone. So where is the reward that makes it possible for me to continue to advance?
Answer: You receive an enormous reward, a very respectable reward. If people were to see what you get, they would be very envious of you. This would embitter their lives. However, you must learn to appreciate this reward, because even though it is right in front of you, you don’t notice it. The upper world, the spiritual state that you receive, is really close, but you don’t feel it. You don’t have the tools through which you can appreciate it.
If you were to give a child a red rattle and something of value with an unattractive color, he will grab the rattle and throw away the valuable object. We also don’t feel what we get.
You made the effort; you came to the lesson from a distant city. So, you need to feel that a large sum of money has been put into your account, at least a hundred thousand dollars. If you were to feel this, then you would come every day, for you would have enough incentive! However, in order not to increase your egoistic desire and think only about the compensation and count the bills every day, you can’t see the payoff. Even though there is a payoff, you aren’t shown it so that you won’t run after it. Therefore, your payoff is being poured constantly into your hands and is gathering into a big pile. You don’t need to be worried; nothing will be lost. You will get everything once you know how to use it correctly. Then, you can take the entire payoff that you received during the period of Lo Lishma and use it in order to bestow. The main thing is to understand how we get to Lishma, in other words, how we attract the Light that Reforms. Therefore, as it is written, “I have created the evil inclination, I have created for it the Torah as a spice, for the Light in it reforms it, for the illumination in it will bring him back to the good” (Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin, 30b, Eicha Rabbah).
All of Infinity fills everything, even though we don’t feel it. In the meantime, we still need to use it as the Light that Reforms, and then it will build a Tzimtzum—Masach, Ohr Hozer, Rosh, a new Partzuf—in us and will teach us to receive the Light within the Partzuf.
The Light does everything, and I only invite it. It is only up to me to know what action must be done, and the Upper Light will bring me even that intelligence. It is up to me to be in constant contact with the Light and demand it, step by step, action after action.
In this way, I adhere to what is higher, building my soul, my Kli of bestowal, from within my desire to receive.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/23/14, Shamati #8