Answer: This must come from the heart!
In general, the difference between a request and a demand is on two levels. When we work with the vessels of bestowal, meaning bestowal for the sake of bestowal, then we have a request, and when we work with the vessels of reception, meaning reception for the sake of bestowal, then we form a demand.
In other words, if we work with small egoistic desires, which only require clarification that don’t yet transform the ego into bestowal but only want to inhibit it, to transform it to Hassadim, this is only a request; and when we want to transform the ego into bestowal to work with Aviut ¾ (thickness), then we have a demand. This means that our request becomes a sharp and resolute demand.
In this way, the request or the demand depends upon the same Aviut (the thickness of the ego) with which you are working. If this ego is heavier, then you begin to demand that the Creator will correct it to the degree of its heaviness. However, if it is light and your desire is graded 0-2, then you’re just asking.
Question: However, people have different characteristics. How does one perceive?
Answer: This is not important. It doesn’t provide you with anything. Do you think that it is possible to think whether you are requesting or demanding, and how much and how? This is work in the heart!
You cannot monitor yourself with your intellect because the Creator is in the heart. First, the heart reacts with its degree of correction or destruction. Only after you feel your heart does awareness come to you.
So, it is pointless to carry out some kind of whim where you seemingly turn yourself this way or that. What? Are you going to play with the Creator?
Question: However, when a child asks me for something, my heart is softened and I give to him, and when he begins to demand, I refuse him.
Answer: This is not about that but about yearning for bestowal and love! If it is derived from small egoistic desires, then this is a request because I don’t need anything else, and if this is derived from heavy egoistic desires, then this request becomes a demand.
From the World Zohar Week “Integral Education Convention” Day Three 2/4/14, Lesson 1