I shall act only in order to bestow, without any benefit for myself. This is why I need the Upper Light; due to it, I can perform actions not on my selfish “fuel,” not based on self-interest. I need the higher force that will give me the opportunity to bestow without any reason, without justification from the point of view of my nature, my logic. And then I can give “for the pleasure of the Creator.”
The “Creator” is something outside of me, be it a person, all of humanity, or the Creator. I do not care who exactly: Everything that goes out of my “body” seemingly disappears and no longer exists in my eyes. This is how I feel. It turns out that “bringing pleasure to the Creator” is like throwing something, losing something forever.
Yet, our sages have already introduced the practice of engaging in Torah and Mitzvot even in Lo Lishma (not for Her Name), since “from Lo Lishma he will come to Lishma”…
That is, even if I am unable to bestow now, I have to act to the best of my abilities, do what I can in the group, in the classroom, etc. And then, after passing a series of states, I will achieve bestowal. Why? Because the actions that the sages recommend to me, even without the right intention, attract to me the Light that Reforms.
It would seem, how could this be? Why by carrying out the advice of the sages, do I attract the Light? In fact, I just read in a book and heard from the teacher that I need to do this and that. How then do I get from this the spiritual force that changes me? Exactly how does this mechanism work?
The fact is that by following the instructions of the great sages, I establish a connection with them and then get spiritual fulfillment from them. I just feel this as the Surrounding Light because I cannot yet tolerate it in my desires. In fact, it fills me, is with me, but I cannot “process” it yet in clear vessels, to really work with it. Nevertheless, it already corrects and “formats” me.
Thus, following the advice of teachers, I connect through them with the Malchut of the world of infinity.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/22/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam