All our work, our whole way and every part of it, every state, is divided into two parts: what a person does by himself and what is done to him according to his desire. I have to know that the goal of creation is the attainment of the attribute of bestowal, equivalence of form with the Creator, by using all my powers. I don’t know what all the desires are, all the 125 degrees, since it is all still concealed from me. But my goal is to do everything in my power, to use everything that I have, like a child with all his might trying to attain a desired goal.
This is how I have to act in every moment, aspiring to reach the force of bestowal. After having tried to do it by myself with the group, by preparing and annulling myself, by asking the friends for help, “making yourself a Rav and buying yourself a friend,” after all these actions, I am convinced that I am totally helpless. My teacher Rabash used to say: “Now you see that you are a rag just like me.”
Eventually, a person has no hope to change anything for the better and to correct himself by his own powers. He must be convinced that this is so by his experience. After all, although he has heard many times that he doesn’t correct himself and that the Light has to do that, for the time being these words are meaningless for him.
In order to demand the correction from the Light, he must first try to do it by himself, as much as he can. After all, unless you despair of your own powers, all your requests will be only a lie. You are simply lazy and don’t want to bother. If you have done everything in your power and have been convinced that the goal is unattainable, then thanks to the efforts you have made, you acquire the strong desire to truly attain the attribute of bestowal.
Because you have made all these efforts and have not attained anything, you despair of your own powers and your abilities. Therefore, there are two components now: a desire to attain the goal, a clear intention, since you have done your best and have not attained anything; and, having acquired a great desire, you are simply “exploding” with the desire to attain the goal.
These are two opposite concepts, as often happens in spirituality. If they connect into one concept, in the pure desire to attain the attribute of bestowal and nothing but that, a prayer bursts out in you.
It simply happens because that’s the way we are built. All these levels are already inside us, all the Reshimot (spiritual genes). We don’t need to draw or to build them, the moment I try to attain bestowal, the right desire is created in me, which eventually raises the prayer.
I raise MAN, consisting of the Reshimot of Hitlabshut and the Reshimot of Aviut, from the great desire to attain the goal and the despair of attaining it by my own powers. Besides I am also confident that the Creator can do that for me, that He must and will do it! After all, I see that according to the sequence of events that I go through, everything is arranged as if that’s the only thing He wants and that He is only waiting for my right request, which means for the correctly formed desire, for the true prayer, for MAN.
MAN means Mei Nukvin (female waters), which means two basic attributes that are connected correctly. Then in response to this need for bestowal, to the disappointment from my powers and the hope for correction, the upper Light comes and brings me the attribute of bestowal, and in this Reshimo the first spiritual picture is revealed to me. The power of the Light that is dressed in the Reshimo corrects, connects, and builds it, and I already find myself in the attribute of bestowal.
It is my first spiritual level in which the general network and the connection between everyone is clear. I see that the Light operates behind the scenes, the force of bestowal that must evoke the force of reception, and the states that are opposite from it, so that I will feel how much I lack it, and demand it. Then I go through the same states that I have experienced now on the first level over and over again.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/16/13, Writings of Rabash