In spirituality, if you aren’t going all the way, then you aren’t working with your entire desire. Then it bears no relation to your spiritual progress. However, you don’t even know where “all the way” ends, what is the maximum. You can only imagine it in some way.
Thus, we have reached a state where we wished to reveal the spiritual world completely – everything we could only imagine. With this maximal intention we arrived at the Convention. We wanted this and nothing less, so the “heavens would be revealed.”
But what became revealed to us instead? How much we are internally unable to come even one inch closer to it! We cannot accept the need to unite, to cancel ourselves.
As soon as we started talking about the connection between us and the inner work we have to do, our desire immediately cooled down. We are not ready to attain the spiritual world with that price tag!
This means we had misunderstood the Upper World and did not realize that it was the quality of bestowal, above our egoism. Yet we felt this necessity. After three days filled with many inner actions, we came out disappointed. And this disappointment comes from the fact that we are unable and do not desire to attain true spirituality. We desire to remain in our definition of spirituality as something that is simply good, eternal, and pleasant in our current, egoistic desires.
What did we reveal? It was the left line, our own evil inclination, the fact that we desire to receive spirituality inside our egoistic desires just like in the material world. Why didn’t we receive it? It’s because it’s not necessary to receive anything in spirituality. It is open. If you want to bestow, then go ahead. Everything’s permitted and anything is possible. No one can steal that from you.
In other words, inside our ego we revealed that our definition of spirituality was incorrect. And this will become revealed to us on all 125 levels! Now we still don’t see that our nature is opposite to the spiritual nature, that we are unable to attain it, and that we have one single opportunity left: only to cry to the Creator, to ask Him. This is already the right line. We have to rise above ourselves and the middle line will emerge from that.
Nevertheless, we have accomplished great work. The despair that took over us, the pain and futility that became revealed in us showed us the inability to attain the spiritual world inside our egoistic desires. In essence we were asking for spirituality to become revealed precisely inside these desires, rather than in the bestowing desires. Now, after this realization of evil, we will enter the right line, will correct ourselves, and attain the middle line.
Therefore, what we accomplished at the Convention is a great attainment. It really is the beginning of the spiritual path already. This has never happened on such a big scale and in the great egoism of the last generation. Baal HaSulam writes, “I am happy about the sinners that become revealed because the reason for it is the ‘holiness of the day.”’
A great Light had to pour from Above in order to show us how much we don’t desire and aren’t capable, how opposite we are to spirituality, the degree to which we do not want to think about unity and love between us. All of that is “holiness of day” because we united together and nevertheless desired to ascend spiritually in some respect.
We revealed the degree or desire above which we have to ascend. However, for now we are unable to do so, yet we have to do it in order to ascend to the first degree of the spiritual ladder.
That is why I am very happy with the results of the Convention and I very much hope that in the near future we will already reveal all three lines as the middle line.
From the Weekly Torah Portion on 11/12/10
This Is My Pharaoh Suffering