The closest connection that exists in each of our lives is the connection within the family, between the husband and wife. But it doesn’t matter how much we might want, it is impossible to give any miraculous prescriptions or instantly applicable advice of what to do in order to settle relations in the family.

Once in the past, it was possible, but today it doesn’t work anymore. Today, what is needed is that a person, first of all, corrects his general relation to life, to himself, and the people around him, his relation to the world he lives in. Only after the course of integral education, after the development of consciousness and the grasping of the new world inside him, to the “new person” that develops in him, will it be easy to build new systems of good relationships. In this way, he will transform his life to happiness and be rid of all the problems he is surrounded with today.

One must build educational systems that will mold the person. And then, to the extent that the person changes, he will begin to build proper and corrected relations with others, including the marital relationship. For this reason, this subject doesn’t only belong to married couples, but also to single people. They also feel that they aren’t settled, that they don’t fit in within the family framework.

First of all, we must understand that divorce doesn’t solve any problems and it is worthwhile for us to build a completely new system of relations. It isn’t possible to continue as usual and to hope that everything will work out differently in the new family. You can be sure that there will be the same problems.

It is exactly for this reason that people today don’t want to get married, since already in advance they assume that their attempt won’t be successful. It looks like a natural phenomenon. Why would a person resign himself to trouble he sees in advance? We see how many problems an unsuccessful marriage can bring, ending in divorce, and how much the ruined relationships of people who are close to us costs in terms of money, health, time, and nerves.

Thus a person abstains in advance from building a family. We see this tendency everywhere. In all countries, there is a similar picture. Thus, before one builds a new person, it is impossible to talk about building a system of relations for couples.

Once it was possible to repair them with the help of talks with a psychologist, with certain affirmations. Man’s ego still wasn’t as big as it is today when he doesn’t agree to any compromises. And man isn’t to blame, he simply is not able to agree.

We have developed to a situation where a person wants to stay a child all his life or to be completely free and allowed to do anything. He doesn’t want to commit or limit himself to anything. He expects his wife to be like a mother and to excuse him for everything and not to demand anything from him, but to flood him in an ocean of love, no matter how he behaves.

Usually, this relationship is typical of men. However, also women have changed their relation to marriage and even if there are children, they aren’t afraid to change husbands or to become and remain single.

It’s a wonder, but today a woman with a child is able to build a new family quickly and receive much more than a woman without children. Men don’t see someone else’s child as an obstacle to marriage. Surprising they don’t rush to and aren’t interested in having children of their own, but they are ready to marry a woman with a child. He doesn’t see any obstacle in this. This phenomenon is certainly prominent in our times.

In years past, on the contrary, a woman with a child, after a divorce, found it very hard to remarry. It was only seldom that someone would agree to take a woman with a child. Each one wanted to have children of his own. This means that there are a number of phenomena that are characteristic of our time that we need to take into account.
[83898]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Question: The integral education courses for couples give me hope that by going through this process and building a new man within me, I will correct not only the relationships within my family, but also all the connections in the system and achieve success in every way. After all, the system of family ties will become the school through which I will be developing. Are there any differences in how this process takes place in a man and a woman?

Answer: It turns out that we should keep the family together because through it we can achieve success in life. We not only correct the relations within the family, but also obtain an additional benefit, as if this whole process has a higher purpose.

It’s not the problem of a married couple, but the global problem of corrupted connection between all of us, and we’ll have to solve it in some way. The relationships in the family may become the laboratory within which we can learn how to improve our relations with the world to succeed in everything.

There are some differences between how this process takes place in a man or a woman, but they are so internal that we can’t understand them now, everyone from his or her side, looking at the other. If we begin to delve into the psychology of the other and try to figure out what is going on inside another person, it will only confuse us. We don’t know what is really happening there.

We just need to acquire the correct approach that will allow us to build relationships with each other according to the principle: “Love covers all transgressions.” And this doesn’t mean that we want to hide the wrongdoings committed in relation to each other: our hatred, pride, ambition, carelessness, and disregard. We don’t hide anything.

But if I want to change something and build, I shouldn’t sink into mutual fights and blame of how much each of us is an egoist, meaning how bad he is and doesn’t notice his evil, but sees it in his partner. In fact, he doesn’t see another’s vices, but rather his own egoism, transferring it to his partner and recognizing his reflection in it.

Instead of distinguishing faults in myself, I see them in my spouse as if in a mirror. I don’t notice this in myself. It turns out that we need to develop a good, positive attitude, love, flexibility, attention, and a mature elevated approach in relation to the other. We need to agree in advance that it will be above all that we see with our egoistic eyesight.

“Love will cover all transgressions,” that is, I cover all the evils that I see with it. As a result of mutual exercises and workshops, I start to develop new good qualities in myself that before were dormant within me: sensitivity, agreement, consent, and ability to compromise.
[84054]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Question: How do we combine the studies, the integral upbringing courses, and regular life in view of the pressing deadlines?

Answer: The pressure will be intensifying, time will be intensifying, states will become ever steeper, sharper. People will become more confused and lost. We must prepare for it by the fact that entrance into the integral level completely elevates a person above all of those problems. This means that our salvation is only in unity. In unity lies the salvation of the world. That’s why our congress, which I am hoping that we’ll be able to carry out successfully in Kharkov, will be very good preparation for that salvation.
[84038]
Fundamentals of Kabbalah Lesson 7/15/12

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Question: Should we aim towards the preparation of versatile experts on integral methodology, or should the preparation of people be according to the cultural characteristics of each country?

Answer: I think not. The general system is very simple: rejecting what we have now and training in order to rise above it to unity.

After we rise to unity, based on it, we continue to exist on its level. We don’t descend downwards. We have risen, connected together into something integral; we feel warmth in it, kindness, reciprocity, support, mutual guarantee, and now we swim on this level, on this warm wave. Based on that, we will solve all questions. We will understand that all of the questions arise only for us to unite more strongly on this wave and to rise higher thereby. Each connection is an ascent.

And then we’ll see that all of our past problems were not problems; rather, they were unsolved due to our lack of understanding—the unsolved urges towards unity. But now we have united and that’s why we don’t need to solve them. And everything that will emerge in us tomorrow, let’s solve it every time only based on our common integral force—how to rise above all problems ever more.

It will then be unimportant what mentality, people, or nations and cultures will be uniting into this. They may even tell each other about their distinctive qualities: how I look at the world, how you do, how he does, and how each one experiences these problems. After all, in the end, humanity must come together into one united image, into a single unified human! That’s why we do not need to prepare separate experts for each culture.
[83967]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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Question: It turns out that the majority of people who are seriously studying human psychology are women. However, we talked about the fact that the leaders in integral circles should preferably be men.

Answer: The human community, the whole of civilization, and all nature in general are built on the fact that man prevails everywhere. In all actions he appears to be the stimulant, although the internal urge, as we know, comes from women. But a man announces it and realizes it, so to speak, although everything is also realized mainly through a woman.

So, I don’t think that we’ll arrive at a state where a large amount of women will be the lecturers or supervisors of the integral unity technique. I don’t see that in any, even in the most advanced, civilizations. Still, in this respect, a woman does have her limited potential. She acts in the widening, while man acts in growth—and these differences can’t be crossed out and there is no need to level them. On the contrary, it simply needs to be used.
[83970]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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Question: There is a method of treatment in which two expert psychologists, a man and a woman, work with a married couple, and thus mutual cooperation is created between the two couples. How does this look to you? Would it be worthwhile to begin the work in integral education specifically in small groups like this?

Answer: No. I think that first of all, we need to separate them, but not in different groups. We need to attain a situation in which each one of us is a separate egoist and now we rise to a community, where there are no married couples, nothing. There is only our mutual “me” with 10-15 participants. It doesn’t matter how many.

And afterward, in the way that we connected together and understood that this is the reason we rise, and for this we exist, and now let’s see how is it possible to make a group like this in the family and to always be included in it?

This is to say, it seems that the family exists not in order to mutually support obtaining food, in reproduction, in supporting the family home, which is all at a basic level, but in order to support each other in spiritual ascent in spite of all our contradictions. We have enough of them, and we are thankful that they constantly appear, since thanks to them, we are able to realize the spiritual growth.

But this will happen when we are rid of all our present problems. When we are able to find our mutual integration, we will understand that in fact our family is in a wonderful state. This means that we were given opportunities for very fast and endless advancement. Let’s now just continue in each family what we did in the group.

Question: In order to perform this work, do we, in any case, group these people together or not?

Answer: When we collect a few married couples in a group, then first of all, we conduct a preliminary conversation with them, which should give them psychological guidance so that they will stop feeling that they are couples. One needs to “dismantle” their relationship, and raise them above themselves and create community, a group.

After a group has been created and all the material absorbed, everyone understands that only in this way is it possible to solve problems. Since a wife and husband, is also a group. So, try now to go down to your corporeal level and begin to raise your problem or simply not to awaken it. And try from this moment to solve each problem and even the smallest as a means of strengthening your bond, above you.

In this way, you send them on a liberating voyage, in that you give them the feeling of unity and a system of rising above all the problems.
[83913]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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Question: Talking to some women, I asked why they don’t communicate with each other, why do they lock themselves within four walls? It turned out that it’s not customary to take out existing problems to be up for discussion….

Answer: That’s correct. But the moment we begin to see them as the regular everyday problems that everyone has, the moment we treat them as a means of ascent, as problems given to us from Above to be solved together, no more personal “I” is left in a person. None left at all!

An “I” is a mechanism, which, by joining together with others into one integral whole, looks at its personal problems as problems that are same for everyone and has solve his own, yours, his problems, etc. with the help of everyone else.

It’s not that there’s nothing to hide, but a person has nothing left at all. Where is he then? “He” is what we build together. It’s the place of amalgamation of all of those personal, family, and joint egoisms; it’s the place where our own longing upwards towards the ascent amalgamates.

If people are attuned correctly, they will realize that there’s nothing to be ashamed about, there’s nothing to hide, mutual help must exist. If you don’t want to reveal anything, there’s no need to, but you have very strong support and thanks to that, everything is being solved.

I think that we are now going through that stage. And on the next level, women will seriously get involved into the group system and that will help them.
[83973]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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There isn’t a big difference between preparing a person for creating a correct marital relationship and improving relationships with the rest in general. It is only necessary to take into account that the correct system of relationships in the family is a wonderful opportunity to rise to the level of a new corrected world. We all will have to do this to succeed in everything else: in business, finance, respect, power, science, and to be able to see the world and establish connections in it, to succeed in small transactions and international trade.

The family is the smallest and is closest to a person, and it is a permanently functioning lab in which he can work, each time changing himself and observing what kind of world opens to him at that time. After all, by trying to change his relationship with his spouse, he immediately will change the conditions, like in a physical or chemical experiment, and see the results accordingly. Then, he changes the conditions and gets a new result.

This is a scientific experiment, and our relationships with each other are the parameters. The entire world was constructed originally in this form when it comes to evolution, progress, and the final form that we must achieve whether we want it or not.

Nature has a program and a final goal. And apparently, that’s why there is the division of a small family, that is, a married couple and a wider family that includes their fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers from both sides, and all the other relatives. Then, an even wider circle follows, consisting of all our friends, and then the area where we live, the city, country, nation, and then the continent.

The entire world is divided into these concentric circles, like spreading waves, and they all come out and spread from the center, which is a couple. That is why, if we construct marital relationships correctly, we will be able to build all the other kinds of relationships. This will help us greatly in life.

If I know how to change myself and establish various new forms of relationship with my wife, and she reacts accordingly as my immediate environment, then I will learn how to work with the rest of the environment, at work and in all other places, to earn a good reciprocal relationship. This will ensure a person’s success in all the spheres where he functions.

In essence, this is the most important thing in life as it determines whether a person has money, honor, power, and overall success in life and health. It determines everything from the closest to the broadest social relationships in society, as well as in international relations between countries.

If we become new people who know how to control themselves correctly and attract a good attitude from others accordingly, we will not look so foolish, like children fighting in a sandbox. After all, countries and entire continents appear like this today. Then, a completely different picture will be revealed to us.

Thus, in fact, everything depends on how a person can change himself, and the most convenient and favorable change is possible if we take care of the family. If the spouses participating in the course of integral education will begin to work on their relationships and do the exercises, then they will solve any problems.

It is clear that we cannot eliminate all the problems in the world, considering the number of couples with whom we can work, because half the world is divorced or single people. However, married couples make up a sufficiently large number and have a huge impact on everyone else.
[83894]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Question: Typically, a woman is consumed with housework and a man generally comes home in a negative and irritated mood. It seems that a woman has no strength to deal with this kind of a situation because she has no resources from which to draw the strength that is needed to deal with it. What is the solution?

Answer: The men finish their day incorrectly. They should gather together, sit in a circle, and set their intention for a proper return home. They need to rise above themselves by reminding themselves of why they are in such a state and that their stress is actually due to their advancement.

They need to feel like pioneers and elevate their state despite the fact that it is so intense. This is a special state, and they are special because they were chosen among all of humanity to actualize the method of becoming an integral human. I think that this will alleviate some of the inner tension, and they will be able to come home in a normal state.

The women should support one another and understand the men’s state. We should work with women separately and teach them how to neutralize this state.

I understand all of this because I’ve experienced it myself, only in my time, there was no integral method. I experienced very unpleasant states that were impossible to deal with. There wasn’t all this advice or special unity gatherings or psychological workshops and preparations. However, today, everything is all possible.
[83910]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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Question: If we say that the books that we publish should actually be of assistance in the transition to the next level, then what should be the nature, for example, of economic and other articles?

Answer: While we might find it difficult without the help of experts to give some exact, next steps for further development and to explain how integrality in the world can immediately influence the solutions for the economic, financial, industrial, organizational, commercial, international, problems, etc., at least we can show the general lines of the message of nature and the need to search for solutions to these problems through connection and unity.

Then, if not today, then shortly, experts will see that everything is really integrated and resolvable specifically in this way. And this undoubtedly will happen. We can prescribe the solution for all individual problems of humanity that stand in front of the simple man and also for the entire international society. We will be able to gradually do this. As a result, the practical means to address the general crisis of the entire civilization will emerge.

Question: Is it possible to say that the main idea of each article should be the transition through our unity from a linear society to an inclusive, circular one?

Answer: Yes, since if one looks from perspective of the wisdom of Kabbalah, then we enter a system that is “circular,” to a system of correction that is not the linear, human ego, but a system which includes others and by that creates together with them a society. Through the neutralizing of his ego, by ascending above it, a person begins to connect to others and to create, together with them, one complete whole. Any movement should be directed specifically at this.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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